Feeling annoyed

[Eyessoblue]

Hey, so I'm back again... my nhs therapy came to an end and I still felt I had a way to go, have managed fairly well without therapy but now at the point where I know I needed to have more. So rather then waiting months to be re referred I found myself a private therapist who specialises in cptsd and does emdr. I spoke to her before my appointment last week and all seemed good, I met with her and she was nice seemed like she knew what she was talking about. Last wk was just the basic info of my timeline, me telling her what works for me and what doesn't it. I said I'd chosen her because I wanted emdr specifically which she nodded and told me how she operates etc.
I went back this morning expecting to start emdr and instead she's talked to me Cbt style, given me Cbt homework and told me how I need to find the good in everything I do etc. No mention of emdr. I came out feeling very disappointed the fact being that I've had Cbt before and it did nothing for me, I'm already feeling frustrated by her and thinking I don't want to go back and she's not listening.  My question is do I go back and say what I feel ( which I'm always uncomfortable with) do I just not go back, or do I re apply for therapy on the nhs again and ask to see the therapist that's helped me for the last few years? Just feeling angry and annoyed- not being listened to again.

[MoonBeam]

Hi Eyessoblue, Not feeling heard or listened to is annoying and really plays into my whole Inner critic monologue.

I said I'd chosen her because I wanted emdr specifically which she nodded and told me how she operates etc.

I'm wondering if in her explanation of how she operates she talked at all about how many sessions she utilizes for preparation? My understanding is that an EMDR therapist who really knows what they are doing will not start EMDR without first building a foundation with a client. 

This would involve a few to several sessions of Preparation, used to make sure we have tools or techniques to handle what might come up during an EMDR session. I've had a few EMDR sessions and it involved some of the deepest work I've done. It also dislodged a whole new slew of memories and really sent me on a lengthy EF, which I really needed extra resources to handle. I'm not saying that would be your experience, but I think it's pretty common.

It sounds like she is working on creating relationship with you and making sure there are sufficient resources to dig in. Then there are also installing positive cognitions, which sometimes is a separate session as well. I would totally discuss this with her and find out what the path ahead looks like. It sounds like maybe more communication about that is needed and should have been explained in your first meeting. It also says to me that it sounds like she does know what she's doing as far as creating safety in the process--which is a bonus.

I hope you can have that conversation with her and ask her to lay it all out for you, so you can make a decision about moving forward with her or not. I'm super uncomfortable with that kind of face to face telling how I feel--for me it's standing up for myself, and it is so important in the therapeutic relationship, to trust in the relationship, even if you don't continue working together.

Maybe there is some literature she could recommend as well. I find more information always helps me feel more secure in the process and I want to feel like my T and I are working together  when it comes to my recovery. Not so much playing follow the leader. 

I hope whichever path you choose you feel supported and heard.

[Eyessoblue]

Hey thanks for your reply, having had a lot of emdr sessions she knows I'm familiar with it all, I know my safe place etc, but for her to not even mention it makes me feel like yet again I'm being taken advantage of, this probably isn't the case but is beyond frustration when u think you've got it altogether again, I have to remind myself I am in fact paying for it this time so my money needs to go on what I need, I'll have the conversation with her next wk and see what the outcome is, Just hate Cbt - and she knows that so annoyed she's gone straight to that route... thank you tho.x

[Snowdrop]

I can understand your feelings.

Just a thought, but is it worth reapplying for NHS therapy again anyway, regardless of what you decide with your private therapist? I'm thinking of the potential waiting times on the NHS.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, yes it probably is, but because you only get up to 12 sessions at a time it's beyond frustrating as when it's time to be discharged you're normally just at a place of feeling better, so my idea to go private was to keep going until I was ready to finish. But clearly I've been thinking about it a lot tonight and have decided when I see her next wk to tell her that this isn't what I'm seeing her for and not of use to me- in the nicest possible way... just been there seen it done it-18 weeks worth and felt no different after, it's exactly the same process as before too.

[MoonBeam]

I hear you Eyessoblue. That's great you have a good foundation for the work and know what you need. That's huge in my book. Sorry it's so frustrating at the start of it. I hope your next meeting goes well and the T can hear you and she communicate that clearly.

[Jazzy]

That sounds really frustrating, no wonder you are annoyed. I feel the same way about CBT, but it seems like it is always being pushed. Hopefully you can work something out in your talk next week though, and it doesn't bother you too much in the interim. Take care!

[Snookiebookie2]

Hey Eyesoblue,

I just wanted to say that I totally agree with you.  Please remember that you are paying for a service, and if that does not meet your expectations then you have the right to say so.

I think our CPTSD makes us think any conversations of this sort are confrontational or critical of the other person. I would try to think of it as a discussion or negotiation of what you need. As a therapist, and one you are paying for, they should  have your interests at heart.

You have sound and justifiable reasons for not wanting to go down the CBT route. You have already undergone an extensive course that you feel you didn't benefit from.  I suspect that you have reasons for wanting EMDR (it has reports of being effective and you have  previously had it and know what it's like).  Perhaps you could explain these two things to your therapist and see what they say. 

I totally understand the difficulty in raising an issue with someone. I wonder if it would be worth trying before you consider finding an alternative therapist.   

I also understand your frustration with the NHS, and it echoes my own experience.   Sadly there is not much support for CPTSD in the UK.

Wishing you all the best luck with your therapist.

[Kizzie]

I've been thinking about it a lot tonight and have decided when I see her next wk to tell her that this isn't what I'm seeing her for and not of use to me- in the nicest possible way... just been there seen it done it-18 weeks worth and felt no different after, it's exactly the same process as before too.

FWIW I think a straightforward discussion of your treatment and why she turned to CBT while you had discussed EMDR makes sense.  Also FWIW, IMO it's hard to find the good in trauma which is why CBT doesn't help us much (i.e., we need to safely face the bad things that happened to us)

[Eyessoblue]

Hi thank you all for you response, so to update you, I went back to see my therapist, she spent the first ten minutes printing endless cbt sheets off on the computer whilst I sat there fuming, she then handed them to me and I said to her - I'm really frustrated I've done all this before, it's the same sheets being printed off that I already have, I feel like I just need to tick boxes to keep you happy but I'm not getting the actual 'doing ' of it as it makes no difference to me.... she sat there for a few minutes and said oh ok, well maybe we'll try some emdr instead, I think we need to clever and go over all your physical, emotional and sexual abuse!!!! I did just sit there very baffled as that was why I thought I was there in the first place.... supposed to 'now' being started on emdr on Thursday—-watch this space....

[Snookiebookie2]

Eyessoblue, well done you!

I think you handled the situation excellently.  Good for you.

I will keep everything crossed that you get the EMDR and that you start feeling  that treatment is going the way you need.

Please report back to let us know how you get on.

[Not Alone]

Sounds really frustrating. Good job stating your feelings and needs. 

[Three Roses]

I'm really impressed that you really told her what you want and need! Inspiration! Thanks 

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you everyone. I had my first session of emdr with her yesterday. We used buzzers this time, I've not used those before. I found them good as was able to close my eyes too and really concentrate which was helpful for me. I went back to a time at Nursery School when I was going through a lot of abuse and looked at my behaviour then, we worked on me not being a child still and the person I had become. ( I feel very much as if I'm still stuck in that child's body and never moved away from that). I found the session helpful and has made me think and re consider some of my feelings so all went well. Thank you all for listening.

[Not Alone]

Glad your session went well.