Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much

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notalone

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Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« on: November 10, 2019, 04:12:54 PM »
This morning I was thinking about how small tasks can seem so overwhelming. I see things that need to be done, but it feels like too much. For example, I had been looking at my very dusty fan above my bed. After weeks of seeing it and thinking, "that needs to be washed," I finally washed it. It didn't really take very long. Another example, the small flower garden in my yard needed to be cleaned out. After the first snow melted (!!!), I got outside and cleaned it up. I had wanted to save seeds to plant in the spring; however, it was all I could do to pull up the dead plants and put those into the yard waste. Just that little thing of saving seeds was too much on that day. 
:fallingbricks:

Maybe it's because life with cPTSD is just so wearing. I also have DID so I have needy, hurting children inside who need time, attention and care. Add to that the stress of things that have to be done. I work part time, but even a 3 or 5 hour shift requires a lot of my energy for me to be "on." After that I need crash time.

As I look at this week, these things seem big: today-memorial service for good friend who died of cancer, Monday-therapy (even though an hour, it consumes most of my day), Tues, work and first marriage session with new therapist (8 out of 10 on anxiety scale), between work and other responsibilities no days this week that I am completely "off."

Thanks for listening. I am now going to take a deep breath and straighten  and vacuum one room.  :hoovering:

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Snookiebookie2

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2019, 04:46:04 PM »
Hi

Just wanted to say that I totally relate to how you feel.

I work part time too. But my CPSTD is triggered by social interaction so even part time hours absolutely exhaust me.  That's because of all the emotional stuff that I'm processing at the same time as doing my job.

It sounds to me that you are dealing with lots of important and deep things at the moment: memorial service, therapy, work, marriage therapy.  We can only deal with so much at once.  Perhaps when you feel that 'simple' tasks are too much, that's your body and mind trying to prioritize your self-care.

I hope that your week goes okay and that you manage to have some down time so that you feel less exhausted.


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Three Roses

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2019, 05:19:17 PM »
Just want to chime in here and say I totally empathize with you both. You're amazing for just getting the things done that you do manage. Don't lose sight of that.  :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2019, 06:26:45 PM »
notalone, I totally relate!

congratulations on washing your dusty fan. Congratulations on cleaning out your flower garden even if you didn't have energy to save seeds for next year. All that plus straightening and vacuuming one room would be too much for me on many days.

For me it's definitely cptsd-related. It has got a little better with time in healing.  :hug:

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Jazzy

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2019, 01:11:11 AM »
Yeah, wow, good job on all those things. That's a lot of accomplishments.

Maybe this is obvious, but I keep reminding myself that CPTSD is a stress disorder. First of all, our minds are always busy (even though sometimes we don't notice), and our body follows our mind. Also, even the small things are still minor stressors, but when one already has a stress disorder to begin with, it has a big impact. Imagine asking someone with a broken toe to tap their foot to some music. Tapping your foot is a very easy thing to do, except for that pre-existing condition.

A lot of the time, I just try to make it through the day, and so anything that compounds that goal can be very difficult to deal with. I agree with the others. Focusing on accomplishments, self care, and understanding are good things to do.

I hope things ease up, and you feel better soon. Take care! :)

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Blueberry

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2019, 02:20:39 PM »
Maybe this is obvious, but I keep reminding myself that CPTSD is a stress disorder.

It may be 'obvious' but for me it is so easy to forget. So thanks for the reminder. CPTSD is a stress disorder.

even the small things are still minor stressors, but when one already has a stress disorder to begin with, it has a big impact. Imagine asking someone with a broken toe to tap their foot to some music. Tapping your foot is a very easy thing to do, except for that pre-existing condition.

Good way of putting it. Imagery helps me. I hope it helps others too.

notalone, I'm a little unwell but still teaching my exam candidates. I wanted to copy a page for one before she came today. I realised that photocopying that one page was too much, so I didn't. Turned out I didn't need it anyway. "How can copying one page be too much??" ask people without cptsd, including docs and therapists. And of course I ask myself too on occasion.

Answer: It just is. Due to stress.

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Bach

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2019, 03:15:16 PM »
I hear this.  Big time.  Sending love and hugs :hug:  I've managed to collect a lot of flower seeds, but only because it's a good way to soothe Little B and Middle B after both physical and psychotherapy (2x a week for each), and we were working on it all fall.  Now that everything is dead and they get anxious and sad every time we go outside, I'm not sure how I'm going to manage cleaning the gardens out.  I'm hoping that My Person will have some time to help.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.  That has to take a toll all by itself.  I wish for the universe to go easy on you for a little while and let you catch your breath. :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2019, 08:58:50 PM »
Snookiebookie, Three Roses, Blueberry, Jazzy, Bach:

Thank you all for your responses. I'm sorry that you have those struggles too, but it is helpful to have people say, "yes, I get it."
Perhaps when you feel that 'simple' tasks are too much, that's your body and mind trying to prioritize your self-care.
A good reminder to listen to myself, to know that I am feeling that stress for a reason.
Imagine asking someone with a broken toe to tap their foot to some music. Tapping your foot is a very easy thing to do, except for that pre-existing condition.
Jazzy, this is a great picture for me and very helpful. Thank you.

Just to clarify; the fan, garden, and vacuuming; were all separate days. (Does my need to clarify come from not being believed as a child and therefore needing to be crystal clear without room for misunderstanding? Hmm?)

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Bach

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2019, 12:48:05 AM »

Just to clarify; the fan, garden, and vacuuming; were all separate days. (Does my need to clarify come from not being believed as a child and therefore needing to be crystal clear without room for misunderstanding? Hmm?)

I'll bet you're right about that. I have the same thing.

Wishing you peace, good rest and self-acceptance  :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #9 on: November 13, 2019, 11:52:29 AM »
Just to clarify; the fan, garden, and vacuuming; were all separate days.


Sorry for misreading in your first post. For me those type of things used to be on separate days but still too much. It has got better so it probably will for you too. Now occasionally they're too much for an individual day but generally not.

(Does my need to clarify come from not being believed as a child and therefore needing to be crystal clear without room for misunderstanding? Hmm?)

Quite possibly. I have a similar kind of thing. It's why my posts are often so long. I write everything in advance trying to remove any possibility for misunderstandings.

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Snowdrop

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #10 on: November 13, 2019, 01:19:11 PM »
I can relate to this as well.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2019, 03:48:08 AM by Snowdrop »

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Bach

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #11 on: November 13, 2019, 04:31:01 PM »

(Does my need to clarify come from not being believed as a child and therefore needing to be crystal clear without room for misunderstanding? Hmm?)

Quite possibly. I have a similar kind of thing. It's why my posts are often so long. I write everything in advance trying to remove any possibility for misunderstandings.

Blueberry, I have that problem too.  Quite often I will start to write something, and then abandon it because I get lost in the details.  I am always afraid that if I leave something out or say something wrong there will be some kind of disastrous misunderstanding.  I feel that way even when the stakes are very low, or the thing I'm trying to say is very simple.  If I'm not careful, I'll find myself ruminating for an hour about how I should sign an email to a customer service rep.  It makes a lot of sense to me that it would come from not being believed or listened to and taken seriously as a child.  Unfortunately, this is something that seems to be getting worse rather than better.

Notalone, I'm thinking of you and hope that you are okay today :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #12 on: November 13, 2019, 06:48:50 PM »
notalone, you are not alone with this symptom at all :hug:

You also have a lot going on atm. Wishing you self-acceptance :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2019, 08:51:01 PM »
Thanks, everyone, for your input about needing to be crystal clear. It is something that I never noticed before, but when I was responding in this post, I started explaining myself, then deleted, telling myself that it wasn't a big deal and not important to the main point. But I couldn't let it go and had to clarify. My T would say to be curious about what happens inside when I am misunderstood. I'm sorry that some of you go through the same thing. I appreciate you sharing, though. It helps to keep me from self-condemning (why can't you just. .    :blahblahblah:) to a kinder voice inside (this is what happens when you are not believed. . .)

May I just take a moment and have a temper tantrum?  :pissed: Sometimes I am just so mad that big things and little things are so hard.

I am so grateful to all of you for your open sharing, care, and input.  :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Small Tasks Feel Like Too Much
« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2019, 09:35:21 PM »
May I just take a moment and have a temper tantrum?  :pissed:
Absolutely! Venting is healing.

Sometimes I am just so mad that big things and little things are so hard.
I can so relate. :yes: