Stutter - Deep Blue

[Sceal]

Having breaks from heavy work in therapy can be quite a relief sometimes! It's good to hear that you are feeling good about the break!

[Deep Blue]

Was taking a break but the Coronavirus is turning my world upside down.

School is closed. Teachers have to go in on Monday to make online platforms for our classes. They wanted those to be done on Friday but then took time away from us from doing it for a staff meeting instead. 

My classic trigger is not doing well. I can't control this.  Deep breaths...

I started emdr... first part is that trigger. I can only control what I can, 

I can't take a full breath

[Blueberry]

I don't know what to say but I hear you. 

[Deep Blue]

Thanks blueberry,
I'm feeling low on words myself too

[sanmagic7]

i think we're all a little low on words.  i'm with you.  love and hugs

[Snookiebookie2]

Sending hugs Deep Blue

We are in chaoric times at the moment,  which is triggering everyone.  Add to that the massive changes that are being imposed on you at short notice, then it is no wonder your feeling a little  lost and low on words.

You did say some wise words though: I can only control what I can.

Sending you hope and strength.   

[Not Alone]

  Thinking of you and breathing in 1... 2...3, breathing out 1...2...3.

[Deep Blue]

My world has been turned upside down.

My school is closed. I didn't realize that Friday was the last time I'd see my students for a long time.

Restaurants are closed, can't go get a cup of coffee with a friend. My son is home with me.  I am stuck doing online platforms and feel lost.

I hate not being in control of things.  I'm desperately trying to tell myself that just because I'm not in control does not mean that I am out of control.  Problem is... the desperation tells me otherwise.

It's too cold to get outside for a walk. Fitness clubs are closed, and everyone is quarantining.

I know it's hard for everyone right now.  But I feel alone and not in control of my life.  I need a distraction and then am seeing my healthy ones be removed one after another.

Being lonely, feeling not in control, starting emdr... it's no wonder I'm having the nightmares every night.   

[sanmagic7]

 

it's definitely a rough time, so sorry for how this is affecting you.  keep taking care as best you can, ok?  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

 

[Deep Blue]

****Trigger warning for PA and emotional abuse ***


Ugh, 4 nightmares last night. Same one over and over.

It is the flashback dream of me being tied up wrists to ankles  and left there as punishment.  I hate it!!! I wish I could turn it off.

***** end trigger warning******

It makes me feel worthless, like I don't have control, it makes me feel alone... so so lonely.

Just saw my t yesterday and then back today.  Back again on Thursday but I'm so scared. What if the office closes? What if I have to do online therapy? My world feels like it's crumbling

[Three Roses]

All I can say is 

[Deep Blue]

Day by day,
Trying to deal with this new reality.

Sometimes it's been hour to hour or even minute by minute.  The weather has still been trashy too... no luck getting outside for more than 10 min.

Back during the worst of my abuse, my abusers disconnected me from everyone  else in my life. They turned me against friends and family.  So I was alone... then came the SI... my abusers toyed with me. When they took away their "love" I felt I had nothing more to live for.

Now that my abuse is behind me, All the personality tests I take say that I am outgoing. I have this need to be around people. Being around others is so much better than being in the chaos of my own mind.  Now I'm forced to stay away from friends, family... only contact with people is really on the phone.  I can't help but feel so alone during all this. 

I'm being forced to deny one of the best coping methods I have. No sports, no friends, now what??!  How do I stop that anxiety coming in? How do I avoid the oppressive sadness?

Please care for each other and be safe during this time.   

[Not Alone]

Deep Blue,
I wish I had some comforting words. I hear how incredibly difficult it is to feel alone; difficult in any situation, but times 100 in the aloneness connection to abuse. I care. 

[Deep Blue]

Thanks for getting it not alone.

Hugs and love