Should I even consider? *TW* for PA

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Phoebes

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Should I even consider? *TW* for PA
« on: December 06, 2019, 03:34:01 AM »
I'm not really considering delving into a relationship. I have the feeling that in order to attend my niece and nephews events, from now on I will likely see Nm, EnSD, and EnD and NSM. I have been NC with Nm for almost 5 years now.

I sometimes think if I can fully take ownership of myself, and not take anything personally, and realize my Nm is just an unhealed wounded person from a long line of dysfunctional abusers, MAYBE I could come to a point of just being cordial and being able to be around the family, especially at important times for the kids.

However, even though I feel like the worst of the abuse is a life-long pattern of scapegoating and gaslighting, I wonder if, given the severity of physical abuse through childhood with never one apology, why I would even consider it. I think it's just the entitlement to think striking a child, much less going crazy with rage attacks, that is so ludicrous to me. I can ALMOST believe that she is unaware of her emotional abuse, or the severity of it. She sees it as her right as a parent to be the one in control (her words). But PA is so blatant. You can't argue with hand, belt, shoe, brush, or other object on flesh. Although she states she never laid a hand on me. Why is this so hard to just be solid that I should never see this horrible person ever again? Why am I still questioning myself at times?

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Deep Blue

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Re: Should I even consider? *TW* for PA
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2019, 04:49:51 PM »
Hey Phoebes,
Iím with ya in whatever you decide.  Personally, Iím no contact in all aspects.  I cut out entire areas of my own life to be sure that abuse reminders were gone as well.  (Well I tried anyway... I guess there is no real way to avoid abuse reminders is there?)

I have an advantage that you donít have.  I have no family ties to draw me back in as you do.  Itís so tough and Iím sure you will do what is best for you.  All the abuse she did to you was wrong and Iím so sorry that seeing loved ones becomes a battle with her still.   :hug: If it is ok.

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Phoebes

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Re: Should I even consider? *TW* for PA
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2019, 11:16:10 PM »
Thank you, Deep. I don't foresee it ever going away. I know if the kids weren't around I would live overseas.