Re/Claiming Denied Interests!

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Erebor

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Re/Claiming Denied Interests!
« on: December 09, 2019, 04:47:51 AM »
Hello everyone.  A while ago another user and I were discussing reclaiming, or indeed claiming for the first time, interests and hobbies our abusers or cultic backgrounds denied us. We both thought it would be good to have a thread for people to share their journeys in re/claiming things. That conversation was a while ago but it stayed with me and I wanted a thread for sharing.

I am currently exploring body modifications and my feelings about them. I'm realising I have convincingly mimicked my mother's disgust and criticisms of them, because although I have never found them to be so unpleasant, I feel afraid of her knowing that... or rejecting me for liking something so ''wrong''.

I have convinced myself that these are genuinely my opinions, too. When I question that, I can feel my deep fearful submissiveness, how I am afraid that I must follow the rules. Interesting, I will feel and reflect more on this.  :disappear:

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I like vanilla

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Re: Re/Claiming Denied Interests!
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2019, 06:33:44 AM »
This is a good topic - thank you for taking the initiative to start this thread.

I have been doing a lot of art work lately. I have discovered that I really enjoy water colour painting. I have also been playing a lot with mixed media projects, which I take pleasure in doing, especially if I can make one with lots of textures.

This for me is a (re)claiming. I did not know I had any skills in art until I started pushing back on my abusive NM. She is really good at art, so, of course, I was never 'allowed' to be too. Then, I went through a stage of not wanting to do art so to not be good at something that she is good at and to have skills that I likely got from her. But, the call in me to create, to explore, to make art, is just too strong. So, now I do it because I enjoy it and it feels good, and I have can something for me without it being in reaction to my mother either way.

And, I am enjoying it, and it does feel good. I am finding it is often also very therapeutic too - when I do art I am fully in my body and feeling my feelings and expressing them in my projects. There is something to be said for that too.