Hello

[citrus]

I'm a woman in my fifties,  diagnosed with CPTSD and a dissociative disorder.  At the moment I'm in the middle of two life crises - the serious illness of my mother and the loss of my therapist. I'm not dealing with either very well.  Right now,  I 'm liable to spend a lot of time asking for help and not much supporting others, which feels very wrong. Perhaps it will all balance out in the end

On a positive note, I'm lucky enough to have an endlessly supportive husband. Knowing that there is someone 100% dependable in my life makes a huge difference.

In my past there is the usual mix of childhood neglect and sexual abuse, rape and assaults, a badly managed still-birth and some odd abuses of power. After years of therapy I still find myself thinking that it all sounds a bit trivial. Symptom-wise, I'm the queen of avoidance, but have to deal with the others as well. My exaggerated startle is legendary in the family.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.

[Snowdrop]

Hi Citrus!

I'm delighted to meet you. Welcome to the forum.

[woodsgnome]

Hi Citrus 

Sorry to hear of the current difficulties. Behind it there still seems some inner strength and a supportive H, for starters.

Having reached out here is another potential positive step, as the OOTS members tend to be understanding and supportive, often when no one else really cares or understands. It's very lonely without some outlet for expression and/or just some voices of empathy. And/or some good vibes, meeting folks who have progressed against incredible odds.

May you find this a safe and meaningful step towards what you need.

[Not Alone]

Citrus,

Your list of abuses seems horrible, very far from trivial.

Your mom's serious illness and loss of your therapist are both really big, difficult situations to deal with.

Since joining OOTS, there have been times when I am only receiving from others, times when I'm able to respond to others, and times when I can't even be on the site to read posts. Wherever you are at, you are welcome. Those of us with cPTSD understand that sometimes we have nothing to give.

[stellajames]

Hi, Citrus, I want to say that hello, and I feel notalone said it beautifully. Nothing you've been or are going through can be described as trivial. And we can't always help each other. When you're stronger, that will come, or you'll see something that resonates within you and no matter how badly you're feeling you'll have something helpful to say and you'll say it.

I believe (as a new, new, newbee) that we all have an inner strength buried among the CPTSD or we wouldn't be here today.

Here's hoping the inner strength starts to overcome the CPTSD. I believe it will, or I wouldn't be trying this myself.

Best,
Sandy