Struggling with flashbacks and wanting to lash out at my mother

[Healing Finally]

Hello all 

I could use some help, it's "that time of year" and I'm trying to come to terms with my mother's inability to remove herself from her own FOG regarding my my younger sister, her daughter; the GC (malignant narcissist.) 

I'm grateful to have found this forum as I know I'm not alone.  I can break free for a moment from the stockholm syndrome that surrounds our family,  all our lives, due to our inability to grasp the magnitude of the family dynamic from my sister's mental illness (as we do not discuss it.)  And my Mom's and my subsequent C-PTSD.

Today I am especially triggered as my Mom reminded me (in email) today that she's having everyone over for Christmas Eve (this will be the 6th year she hasn't invited me due to my sister's desire to not have me around; and my Mother abides.)  I did originally ask her what her plans were (I had her over for Thanksgiving) and so I should have been ready for it.

At any rate, I just wanted to share that since I read that email earlier today I've been super stressed and reactive and once I realized I was triggered and am experiencing an emotional flashback it really helped my mind understand that it is a reaction and I have control over it.  Otherwise, I really wanted to send another email lashing out at her with disappointment that she can't invite me to her own house.  But, that doesn't help anyone, just makes things worse.

Thanks for being here. 

[arale]

 

A big hug for these challenging times.

Sometimes when I feel like lashing out but don't want to hurt anyone, I close the windows (so that the neighbors don't hear!), pound on some cushions, dance like crazy, scream  and once the energy is discharged, I feel way better.