Progress with FOO

[Blueberry]

So, I get financial support from FOO, which I see as compensation. Last year and probably even the year before I spent a lot of time and effort addressing the issue with my parents, especially with F, though I know M was always in on it too. Partly to find what would be a reasonable sum to send me annually. The discussion on that went back and forth, e.g. "We want you to be comfortable." And then: "You need how much??" My parents have never been especially realistic with living costs and always pretty bad putting their money where their mouth is. 

A few weeks ago I mentioned that my stipulated amount is higher than it needs to be atm. M wrote back asking what that amount had been they sent last year. Was it a loan? Or a gift? She and F "can't remember." This after I made it very clear last year that I'd like, well, clarity and reliability. i.e. them not suddenly saying "we can't do this anymore because....your B needs financial help or...." Our discussions were pretty thorough. Fortunately they were all via email so I have copies    

My progress is: no EF, I don't even feel particular anger, certainly not helpless rage. No sadness either. My Adult is pretty front and centre. This is FOO. I think it's over on OOTF where they say that when PDs show you who they are, believe them. My parents showed me who they are during those discussions last year and they are really showing me now. This "can't remember" was used quite a lot in my childhood to avoid taking responsibility. I feel more like laughing than crying because it's just so typical. My parents pride themselves on their intellectual abillity, reading comprehension and all that and spent years beating me down on not understanding and being stupid and now look who's talking. F could be getting forgetful, but M? No, she'll still be sharp as a whistle on that type of thing. And she ought to have written it down!

It may not sound that way, but this is huge!

[Snowdrop]

That's really, really good! Huge progress! Well done you!

[Blueberry]

Thanks for validation, Snowdrop! 

I actually am starting to feel some emotions about this situation, but that's probably progress too. It's certainly not an EF.

[Kizzie]

It really is a huge turning point BB and wonderful to hear about and share with you. Congrats!!! 

[Blueberry]

Thank you Kizzie

[Not Alone]

It is huge. Yeah for you! 

[Blueberry]

Thank you notalone   

When I read my first post on this thread, it all makes sense that I'm getting on-and-off tonsillitis pain, nausea as well, and am sleeping a lot. Despite the fact that I'm not in an EF and haven't been thrown for a loop the way I have been previously when realisations to do with FOO have reared their painful, ugly heads, there is processing going on.