Feeling Relieved

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Phoebes

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Feeling Relieved
« on: December 18, 2019, 03:11:08 PM »
I hate that the long term "friendship" ended so ungracefully on my part. I've ruminated about how to respond or what to say...but in the meantime, I've been bombarded with texts, emails and even in-person drop-ins (something she already knows I loathe).

Is it normal for someone to open your door and put their foot in your doorway to state their point?

The last time she left something on my car. I guess a statement of "fine, here's your thing you left" (something unimportant that could have been thrown away). Even that, I feel controlled by someone putting something on my car.

Am I being overly sensitive? I'm sure to her, she is telling friends and family who know us that she has been so kind and trying so hard to reconcile and I am just this big B ignoring her. But, I feel so engulfed by her that I am utterly relieved to have blocked her entirely and hope to never see her again. (This is the third time in 25 years this has happened for similar controlling holier than thou issues)

I guess it leaves me again, one less "friend", but also, wondering if I should have responded in a better way. If there is an approach that's better with these types. I would have liked to show I've grown and am more confident and resolved now-days, not like other times where I just ran away, which is how I'm sure it seems. But, I don't want to poke the bear either.


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Deep Blue

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Re: Feeling Relieved
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2019, 04:49:23 PM »
Nope! Not over sensitive  :no:

You are keeping your boundaries the way I see it and thatís good  :thumbup:

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Blueberry

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Re: Feeling Relieved
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2019, 05:04:22 PM »
Is it normal for someone to open your door and put their foot in your doorway to state their point?
No.  :no:  :snort:

You're not being overly sensitive. On the contrary, I'd say that person is being overly insensitive.

but in the meantime, I've been bombarded with texts, emails and even in-person drop-ins (something she already knows I loathe).

This isn't my saying, but it's apt I think: "When people show you who they are, believe them!"

wondering if I should have responded in a better way. If there is an approach that's better with these types.

If people really don't want to understand, then they won't. My FOO doesn't for instance. They find some way to go over my boundaries, so I keep reducing contact, more and more. They say over at OOTF that boundaries are things you do, not say. You state your boundaries once (possibly giving a reason, but even that is not necessary) and then when someone goes over them, you act. Pull those boundaries tighter e.g. There are consequences!  But don't JADE (justify, argue, deny, explain), hoping that some day if you explain 120% perfect with the best examples in the world, they'll understand. They won't because they don't want to. They're maybe even getting some strange high or just enjoying feeling powerful about their ability to wind you up.

I've not found any of these steps easy. It's taken me a long time and my T still has to remind me sometimes, or I remind myself.

I would have liked to show I've grown and am more confident and resolved now-days, not like other times where I just ran away, which is how I'm sure it seems.

You know you've grown and we see and read about it on  here :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: It doesn't sound as if that person is going to notice your change, which is sad, but we can't change other people. I really understand the desire to show emotional growth though.  :hug: :hug: