Nightmares

[Sunflower_Rising]

Hi, my new community. Up much earlier than needed thanks to a nightmare. I know they'll get worse the more I delve into my "stuff." It wasn't a relived experience, just a hypothetical that often plagues me. Usually I can't scream in my dreams, no matter how hard I try, but this time I found my voice. I want to believe that's a good sign. But now I'm a little worried because, while I finally managed to yell in my dream, I also yelled for real as I woke up. I thought for sure my neighbors would hear and call me/the police, but nothing so far. (Also concerning, though - either no one can hear me, or no one's willing to do anything about it.)

I hate feeling so scared and helpless. I always triple check the locks on the doors before bed, but I have nightmares anyway. Not always, but more than I'd like. I've thought about taking self defense classes to help empower myself, but they're expensive. Has anyone done that? Did it help?

[RecoveryRandal]

Yeah, nightmares suck. And I always feel extra self-conscious when I'm making noise out loud from them.

I've processed nightmares in therapy, in my journal, with my partner, and here in this forum. It usually helps. But sometimes I just want to forget about a particular bad dream and get on with my day.

I haven't tried self-defense explicitly. But I exercise daily, which helps me to manage my emotional state overall.

Good luck.

[gentle rain]

Yes, Sunny, I believe it is a very good sign.

Up much earlier than needed thanks to a nightmare. Usually I can't scream in my dreams, no matter how hard I try, but this time I found my voice. I want to believe that's a good sign.

I used to have recurring nightmares where I'd be trapped in a violent or dangerous situation, and when I awoke it would haunt me for a full day or two. It increased my anxiety about feeling helpless, which of course was all related to my abusive childhood.

And then I read an article about learning to take control of your dreams while you're in them—and, with practice, it worked. I not only "found my voice", but am also able to recognize that it is only a dream, and I can remove myself (escape) by either waking myself up or taking charge of the situation in the dream.

The positive results have filtered over into my reality as well, as I feel much more empowered there now. Which leads to your question about self-defense:

I hate feeling so scared and helpless. I always triple check the locks on the doors before bed. I've thought about taking self defense classes to help empower myself. Has anyone done that? Did it help?

The world is a dangerous place, so it's common sense to take security measures no matter what type of childhood we experienced. I no longer triple-check my door locks, but I do have two locks, an inexpensive door alarm, and a simple baby monitor surveillance camera for my entryway.

I haven't taken self-defense classes, but I have taken a certified firearms course, purchased a firearm, and have a concealed carrier's permit.

All of these things help because I am entitled to protect myself—something I was never taught or able to do as a child.

Thankfully, I have never had to use my weapon. Thankfully, I am past the point of being afraid to. Thankfully, I am past the point of being so afraid.

Yes, self-defense, in any form, helps because you have a right to be safe.

Hope this helps
gentle rain

[Sunflower_Rising]

Thank you, RecoveryRandal and gentle rain. You had good suggestions. I found a self defense class geared towards those with PTSD, but the video on their website was hugely triggering. Journaling and lucid dreaming are the two things that I liked most from your replies, so I'll try those. Thank you!!!

[Sunflower_Rising]

Quick update: I'm reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and he specifically mentions self defense as a healing modality. In particular, "model mugging," which attempts to enact the moment of fear and surprise when you're attacked. The fighting back is theorized to be effective for PTSD because it allows us to complete the action that the stress hormones we release during trauma are designed for (fight or flight, as opposed to helplessness). The video I saw was of model mugging, and I cried my eyed out watching a woman yell "No!" repeatedly as she fought back against an attacker. It hit me right in the gut. I guess the universe answered my question. 

[Blueberry]

I found a self defense class geared towards those with PTSD, but the video on their website was hugely triggering.

In one of my inpatient stays, there was a course of self-defence for women with cptsd. Some patients who were very early on in their healing were not permitted in the course as it was thought to be too triggering for them. I remember one patient who came and started crying and couldn't stop. She was taken out. So it could be that it is too early for you, or it could be the class will be fine even though the video wasn't.

[Sunflower_Rising]

So it could be that it is too early for you, or it could be the class will be fine even though the video wasn't.

Thanks, Blueberry. The video made me cry the first and I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I had to stop it.

The next day, I watched it 5 times.