Have to sit with estranged SD

[Phoebes]

Wish me luck. I decided I'm not missing nephews Christmas performance and en- sd and other family will be there. There would be no avoiding so I'm just anxious about what he might say but reminding myself I'm not in the wrong here. His disdain toward me is based on NM's twisted story and the lie she has perpetuated about me and the situation. So, if he says something I'm going to try to feel confident and firm in that my feelings and perception matters.

[Blueberry]

Sending a bunch of OOTS strength with you to the performance

[Snowdrop]

Good luck! Sending you strength.

[Kizzie]

 

[Not Alone]

How did it go, Phoebes?

[Phoebes]

Thanks you guys. It went ok. Anxiety was high, but he was cordial and even hugged me and said good to see me. I genuinely walked away feeling sad at how I can't be a part of my own "newer" family, and how they think that's my doing.

[Delapena]

I sympathize Phoebes. How are you holding up?

[Phoebes]

Hi, D, I guess fine. After that happened, I got a lecture about forgiveness in the form of a christmas card from Nm. I really don't know  what he thinks or how much truth he knows, or senses. But, he is married to her, so of course he needs to believe her.

[Kizzie]

Doesn't the lecture mean they are aware there are things you need to forgive? 

I know from what you've posted previously though it's probably also a covert form of pressure to let things go and forget without them ever having to openly acknowledge anything or apologize. The pressure is on you versus them, you are the bad girl for not letting them off the hook. Still, the card can be taken as acknowledgement/confirmation there are things to forgive so perhaps you have actually reached them on some level?

 

[Phoebes]

Hi, Kizzie,

Yes, definitely, I've had that thought many times- if she didn't do anything wrong then what's there to forgive and forget? It's pretty comical the thinks the same brainwashing and gaslighting should still be working on me now.

All the things you said are absolutely correct. She gave me a couple of faux-apologies early on, that were extremely forced, minimizing, and begrudging as per her tone, words and the overall non-meaning. She thinks since she said the word "sorry" in there somewhere then that should be enough for me to "let the past go." She said she gave me what I wanted ("an apology") thinking it might satisfy me but now she just can't understand why I am holding this grudge. 

I'm actually NOT holding a grudge. I'm very hurt my mother is this way. I know it's her disorder and not about me, now after my entire life through this discovery has been ruined, but I know that she knows what she is doing-otherwise why would she lie and paint me as a bad person? Why can she act differently around other people but not around me? Why does everything take place covertly? She's tried everything and hasn't been able to manipulate me, so she's just going to order me to forgive once and for all. I made a mistake in opening her card.