[Blueberry]

Not really sure where this question should go. However since tonsillitis includes inflammation, maybe here is OK.

I always have a lot of trouble figuring out if I really am ill? Or if it is psychosomatic pain? I know that psychosomatic pain is real pain, so not in my head. But the underlying cause is presumably different to that of real illness.

This time I was really convinced I might possibly have scarlet fever (partially because I had exposure to a child with it almost a week ago). But then an hour or so ago, I noticed I no longer had pain in my ears or throat. So maybe psychosomatic - due to anger - after all? But then writing about it on here, there is some pain returning.

Does anybody here with a tendency to recurring illness and/or lots of psychomatic pain know if you can get intermittent pain during less serious illnesses? Or is this intermittent pain - suddenly comes, then a couple of days or even hours later it's gone, only to come back again an hour or a day later - likely to be cptsd-caused? e.g. feelings making themselves known physically.

I will ask my gp next time I go (hopefully on Mon.) but wondering if anybody on here has experience with the issue themselves.

[Kizzie]

I do have bouts of inflammation where my joints get really sore which is why my GP thought I might have fibromyalgia. It has been more frequent with moving so once I get a new doctor here I am going to raise it again.

Anyway, my point is I don't think it's psychosomatic, I think inflammation actually ramps up for us under psychological (CPTSD) and/or physical (illness) stress. Think of all the toxins anger releases into your system, that's bound to ignite inflammation and more pain.

I think you likely do have tonsillitis or a bug of some sort and combined with the anger you're currently feeling that made it worse. Glad you're going to check in with your GP, in the meantime - rest, fluids, get those feelings out ..... 

[Blueberry]

Thanks Kizzie, your observations make sense. Inflammation ramping up under stress.Same old, same old: "The Body Keeps the Score"  It's been a few years since I read it and I don't remember much. Maybe I should borrow it again? Sounds as if it might help me validate for myself.

I am being pretty good about lots of fluids and lots of rest.     It's not that long ago that I would really struggle with that type of self-care. Thanks for the reminder though 

[Kizzie]

   and now off you go     

[Blueberry]

I was at the doctor's this morning. It's tonsillitis though probably exacerbated by my anger towards FOO in the past few days. It's not a particularly virulent case, so I hope to do a few Christmassy things indoors tomorrow and the day after. But also lots of sleep and rest, taking all my new meds regularly (includes gargling powders and poultice around my neck several times a day) and drinking lots.

[Kizzie]

Phew and    that it's not SF.  Still sucks but not as much of a worry at least.

[Blueberry]

**TW (Mention of severe illness, not mine) **










Or cancerous growth on the tongue?

Probably not, but possibly. The pain has flared up again on the side of my tongue and it looks a bit ulcerous. otoh I was thinking about FOO stuff again and thinking letters in my head, which would only be eligible as Non-Sender letters on here, so that could be causing a pain flare-up.

The 'OMG it's probably cancer' is not like the Cancer Scare they mention on OOTF used by narcs to manipulate others because I never talk about it except to my doctor or possibly once in group therapy. Thru grp T, I know I'm not the only one who reacts like this. My doc always reassures me that whatever 'it' is, it isn't cancer. I have an appointment in 24 hours anyway and can ask him for reassurance, before or after getting blood taken Strangely enough, the fear that it could be a cancerous growth on my tongue isn't freaking me out. I'm thinking: "I'll manage that." The way I recently said to my T and still think to myself: I'll manage w/o FOO money if they cut me out of their will. It won't be totally easy, there will be quite a bit of decision-making to do, but I'll manage.  Progress.

Unfortunately I'm not thinking "I'll manage that" about getting blood taken. Oh well, not everything heals at the same time and same rate.

I realised today too the possible link in my case between my immediate thought that eg. tongue pain might be cancer and my past / FOO: Although my parents are not in the least knowledgeable about medical matters but also eschew the medical field in general as being somehow beneath them:stars: they often made prognoses to me and my sibs, like: "you'll get diabetes if you put sugar in your tea". That was to B2 and he was a young adult, no longer living at home with parents. I don't want to poke around in my memories thinking up the prognoses they made to me, but that was the general vein.  Now I've gone blank in my head which hasn't happened for a while. It means I'm onto something but that I also have to protect myself from something rn.

[Not Alone]

I wish I could be there to hold your hand while you get your blood drawn. I know that is really hard for you. 

[Snowdrop]

Sending you love and hugs, Blueberry.

[Kizzie]

Sending another BB, will be waiting in the cyber waiting room for you once you've seen the doctor.   

[Blueberry]

Thank you notalone, Snowdrop and Kizzie so much for being there virtually during and after!

One of the receptionists did the blood draw though she didn't want to. So I didn't actually see my doc today. I have a follow-up appointment in about 2 weeks. When I got up today, the pain on my tongue was much reduced, hardly there at all now so I'm thinking to myself that it'll be the usual - psychosomatic pain and not cancer. It did me good to be able to write about it here yesterday though. One of the homeopathic medecines my doc gave me when he discovered tonsillitis in the back of my throat (instead of scarlet fever) includes a component used against allergies. Makes sense to me. Flare up in my mouth and throat and now tongue due to allergy to FOO and all their crazy ideas.

There was some progress or at least realisation about the blood draw and trauma today. Maybe I'll put it in my Journal or maybe on the Medical Trauma board.

Edited to add: I realised there is no Medical Trauma board, so it's in my Journal.

[Kizzie]

    and   

[sanmagic7]

just weighing in on your original question - i think i've talked about getting the 'stress flu' before.  that's all about inflammation, and it makes everything about me feel bad, like i'm on the verge of the true flu.  it's as debilitating as a true flu at times, feel absolutely miserable, skin hot as if i have a fever (altho many times when i've taken my temp, it was normal) no energy, can barely move.  it takes time and rest for it to go away, but it will leave quickly when it's finally done w/ me.  this started over 40 yrs. ago w/ me, but i didn't realize then what it was all about.  i just knew that if i took some ibuprofen (an anti-inflammatory), i'd feel better.  been doing that ever since.

often, when i'd feel sick like this in the beginning, i'd go to the doc, but was always told they could find nothing wrong.  it got very disheartening.  now that i know what's going on, i don't feel so panicky about it.  i'm just sorry you get some of the same stuff happening, bb.  that 'nothing wrong' label became so frustrating!  well, i agree, there is something wrong, but it's not necessarily a disease or illness.  rather, i do see it as c-ptsd related - a way our bodies react when we're not able to do what needs to be done cuz of our experiences, wounds, and/or damage.  that energy has to go somewhere! love and hugs!

[Blueberry]

it makes everything about me feel bad, like i'm on the verge of the true flu.  it's as debilitating as a true flu at times, feel absolutely miserable, skin hot as if i have a fever (altho many times when i've taken my temp, it was normal)

  I've never heard anybody say that before about normal temp even though it feels like a fever. It's a relief in a way not to be alone with this symptom. My gp doesn't say there's nothing wrong and send me away though

i do see it as c-ptsd related - a way our bodies react when we're not able to do what needs to be done cuz of our experiences, wounds, and/or damage.  that energy has to go somewhere! 

This way you see it, it helps me too. So thank you for sharing that. 

[sanmagic7]

in mex., i had red sore throats many, many times - they were often diagnosed by the doc as strep throat, which is the same organism as for scarlet fever - and parts of my body, including my face would be burning up.  he'd take my temp and tell me it was normal, then give me antibiotics.  in my 30's and 40's, i'd go to the doc in the states (different docs at different times) about feeling so very tired all the time, flu-sy, but they never found anything 'wrong', nothing they could diagnostically treat, i guess.  it was horrible and i felt so defeated every time. 

i'm glad your gp doesn't do the same to you.  i now recognize that this is how my body reacts to too much stress, no matter if it's physical, mental, emotional - doesn't matter.  i tolerated stressful situations and behaviors for so long, i think my system now has an extremely low tolerance for it. 

i'm really sorry you go thru something similar, blueberry, but i can tell you it is very real, debilitating, and can suck the vitality from your spirit.  definitely c-ptsd related.  there's nothing 'normal' about this kind of physical reaction, to my mind.  love and hugs