Tips and pointers needed

[Snookiebookie2]

Due to my recent journalling and trying to be more mindful, I've realised that I have some really ingrained bad habits and unhelpful coping mechanisms. I'd like to work in these areas and I'd really appreciate some tips and pointers. What helps you?

I think I need to do a bit of Inner Child work. I've realised that there actually at least the elements to me. One is a very frightened and scarred 6 year old, who is very wary of everyone.  I also have a out-of-step and lonely 15 year old who is shunned and ignored by everyone.  And then there is the current 47 year old who functions well when not triggered, mainly as a result of therapy and lots of research.  I need to work in integrating these elements and I'm not sure how or where I start.

I also have a pretty savage and relentless inner critic. I did some work on this in therapy. The main voice is my mum, but there elements of my dad, my brother and other abusive people.  I was told to be aware and identify the voice.  This neutralises the critic when life of running okay.  But I struggle when life isn't perfect.  I find it hard to counter the critic.  If it is true, I find it very hard to shut the critic up.

This leads me on to my next issue. Perfectionism. It's quite a strong force.  I do billing work for a job, and I make mistakes sometimes. I'm frightened that they'll sack me. So I aim for perfection.  The critic has a field day when I do something wrong or not quite right. My 6 year old inner child hates that feeling.

I know that I could try to be compassionate. But I've never really had anyone comfort me, or be compassionate with me, so I don't know how to do it.  I did see a you tube video recently about bridging statements, and that seemed a good idea.

I'm determined to break the cycle, but I look forward to any ideas as to how to make progress.

[Snowdrop]

I can recommend looking at Internal Family Systems therapy. It's helped me to recognise and help different parts of myself, and I'm feeling much, much better as a result. IFS includes working with inner children and inner critics.

The book "Internal Family Systems Therapy (second edition)" by Richard Schwartz and Martha Sweezy  is excellent. There are also lots of resources on YouTube. Look for "IFS Schwartz" and "IFS Schwartz Trauma". The following video is part 1 of 4 on IFS and trauma:https://youtu.be/2UfmGwENz9M

[Kizzie]

Hey Snookie - Another author and book members have commented on is Janina Fisher and "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" (2017).  It's also based on Internal Family Systems theory.  Here's the description:

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors integrates a neurobiologically informed understanding of trauma, dissociation, and attachment with a practical approach to treatment, all communicated in straightforward language accessible to both client and therapist. Readers will be exposed to a model that emphasizes "resolution"―a transformation in the relationship to one's self, replacing shame, self-loathing, and assumptions of guilt with compassionate acceptance. Its unique interventions have been adapted from a number of cutting-edge therapeutic approaches, including Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Internal Family Systems, mindfulness-based therapies, and clinical hypnosis. Readers will close the pages of Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors with a solid grasp of therapeutic approaches to traumatic attachment, working with undiagnosed dissociative symptoms and disorders, integrating "right brain-to-right brain" treatment methods, and much more. Most of all, they will come away with tools for helping .... create an internal sense of safety and compassionate connection to even their most dis-owned selves.

[Kat]

Hi Snookie,

I just wanted to second Kizzie's recommendation.  I made huge progress after finding the Janina Fisher book and sharing it with my T.  I also see a somatic experiencing therapist (she was trained by and still does some work with Peter Levine who wrote Waking the Tiger).  She's been a godsend as well. The work we do has more to do with regulating the nervous system, but I've found that I do not get triggered as often or as easily and I usually bounce back more quickly.

Wishing you all the best,
Kat