It does get better!

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Blueberry

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It does get better!
« on: December 25, 2019, 07:29:42 PM »
I'm sure I'm not yet classified as having recovered so far that I no longer have cptsd but today I felt how it really does get better!

I've had tonsillitis the past few days or week probably even. This evening I went to the choir service anyway and was able to sing with the others. I didn't notice any tonsillitis pain at all, not now either. I also sang loudly and lustily, without any feelings of self-consciousness or 'I shouldn't be here' / 'I am a burden'. None of that. This is huge because of the massive amount of ridicule I was subjected to as a child from both parents and elder brother. I really am healing from it.

I have a feeling of belonging! Not just in the church choir, but also to the town I live in, to various groups - of friends, of people with whom I sometimes do a bit of volunteer work, I even felt I belonged to the group where I celebrated Christmas yesterday evening, in a really positive way even though it's a celebration for people who don't have anywhere to go, basically. Though there are people there who have family or friends where they could go theoretically, but decide not to, as I do myself. I have a feeling of belonging on the farm too, and in some ways it's a little bit like family, just not as dysfunctional as my own, and I have distance too and am much more in my Adult. This is also huge because I grew up not feeling I belonged in either of the countries I lived in, nor in my own family.

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Libby183

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Re: It does get better!
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2019, 10:13:32 AM »
Hello again, Blueberry.

I've not been here for a long time, but I am so happy for you that you are feeling so positive. I absolutely get that happiness at finally feeling you belong, when you have spent your whole life as an outsider in your own family. We all know the terrible damage that can do.

I am about eight years no contact with my FOO, and not really in contact with my in laws, since I was widowed a couple of months ago. This Christmas has been just right!!

You are so right. It really does get better!!

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notalone

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Re: It does get better!
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2019, 03:22:23 PM »
Yipee!!!!

 :party:     :bighug:      :waveline:

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