First No Contact Christmas

  • 6 Replies
  • 1340 Views
*

MotherOf2Meowzers

  • Member
  • 7
  • Life is a test and I get bad marks.
    • View Profile
First No Contact Christmas
« on: December 25, 2019, 07:32:49 PM »
This is my first Christmas since I've implemented the "No Contact" with my mother, which unfortunately meant also with my entire family. I can't seem to shake the guilt and depression, wondering if I made the right decision. The weight of my loneliness is seemingly dragging me down. As the tears come quickly filling my eyes, I just as quickly try to stop them from falling. I just can't seem to feel better for my decisions and question whether the loneliness is truly better than allowing my abuser back into my life. Although, I'm no stranger to being alone, today on Christmas it seems to be seeping through my skin and chilling me deep into my core.

*

saylor

  • Member
  • 204
    • View Profile
Re: First No Contact Christmas
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2019, 07:53:13 PM »
Iím so sorry that youíre suffering right now. You have us, and we care

Iím sending you a warm hug to remind you that youíre not alone  :hug:

*

Libby183

  • Member
  • 368
    • View Profile
Re: First No Contact Christmas
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2019, 10:02:47 AM »
Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are feeling so lonely. It's so very hard to go no contact, and lose your whole family. That happened to me.
The best advice I received, was to sit with, and accept the loneliness. To grieve your loss. Then to care for yourself, in any way you can, however small.
It took me a good while to really "get" this, but I just want to reassure you that it really does get better.
Take care of yourself, because you really do matter.

*

Blueberry

  • Member
  • 8467
  • 'Should' is never good for me.
    • View Profile
Re: First No Contact Christmas
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2019, 02:41:09 PM »
 :hug: :hug: to you Motherof2

*

Not Alone

  • Member
  • 3531
    • View Profile
Re: First No Contact Christmas
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2019, 03:26:35 PM »
In the past, I have spent Christmases alone because of no contact. The pain is so big.  :hug:

*

Phoebes

  • Member
  • 496
    • View Profile
Re: First No Contact Christmas
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2019, 05:28:27 PM »
We understand this pain, meowzers. It seems so much more at the holidays, particularly christmas. BUT, you ARE doing what's best for you, right now. You didn't make such a difficult move without reason, and I'm sure many times of trying. Sometimes there is no real choice. Rest assured WE are here, living and understanding what you are going through.

My ver first christmas NC, my GCsis invited Nm and her husband over, I guess not understanding the depth of feeling on my part. I went with it, we opened a few gifts and superficially visited for about an hour before they had other engagements. In that one hour, Nm managed to trigger a deep wound she had crated, gaslight it, negate and minimize the whole thing, all to put the highlight on herself, all covert and unbeknownst to anyone else in the room. That confirmed I made the right decision moving forward...I think in that early, delicate stage, I was a lot more sad about the prospect of Christmas without her, and may have felt a lot more devastated had I not experienced that.

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 9525
    • View Profile
Re: First No Contact Christmas
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2019, 05:41:42 PM »
It's a big loss and takes time to work through the feelings so I hope talking about it here will help.  FWIW I  went through the same thing when I went NC/LC with my family but over time felt relief, freedom and room to let more positive things into my life.  It's wasn't a choice per se, it was the only thing I could do to survive, recover and heal.

How are you doing now?

:grouphug: