Tangling with Someone Who Suffers from NPD

[Kizzie]

One of the unfortunate aspects of managing this web site and forum is that I often come into contact with trolls and people w/NPD.  I've learned to deal with trolls fairly well although there are times they send my BP soaring, but those w/NPD still take it out of me. 

I had occasion this past week or two to tangle with someone who has NPD. The good news is I was not triggered into a BIG EF per se, just into anger and memories of how impossible NPD behaviour is to deal with, why it is so traumatizing and why I will never put myself in the position ever again of having to deal regularly with anyone who has NPD.  Not a bad reminder but it also sparks a forlorn wish that NPD were not as prevalent as it seems to be to me.

I extricated myself as soon as I realized and blocked the person on email so I don't have to deal with them again.  I told my H what occurred & spoke about how angry I am, and I'm writing here to also let it out and then let it go.

The part that was most maddening was not how unfair, manipulative, gaslighting, etc, etc, etc the person was, but that they have no clue their behaviour is toxic and never will. It makes having any chance at connecting in a human & reasonable way impossible; it's just ends up being a crazy making series of mind games and the only option is to step away, break contact.   

I can feel the grrrring    subsiding as I write this so tks for reading.

[Hope67]

Hi Kizzie,
I think that's it's really great that you managed to negotiate and handle that situation - it must have been really hard to do, but  that you did it.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

Kizzie, I'm glad you wrote that here and that doing so helped alleviate the grrrring. Good for you taking the steps you did before you wrote here too and for seeing that you've progressed i.e. no BIG EF   I'm sorry the whole incident had to happen, i.e. that those trolls and narc trolls haven't found something more constructive for their time and yours.

While I'm about it big thanks and for being on call so to speak for - what is it? - 5 years and counting of being Admin on the forum and website and so having to deal with this kind of thing whenever it turns up. You can't say "thanks, I'll pass on it, somebody else gets to deal" the way we Mods were able.

[Kizzie]

Tks Hope and BB   

Except for the difficult people the web site and forum have brought into my orbit from time to time, it has been the greatest pleasure of my life to be here and know that together we are have something few of us have had, a voice, validation, and a place to belong. 

We are not here to give advice or hawk books or courses as many sites/forums are, we are here to share our lived experience, suggest possible options/avenues based on that experience, support and encourage one another, build knowledge about relational trauma, and raise awareness and advocate for treatment, services, support. 

That's the 'magic' for me,  it's us helping us.

[Three Roses]

Ugh, sorry you had to deal with the npd person. Interacting with them is so draining! I'm thankful for you, and for this place. 

[Not Alone]

Adding my HUGEthanks for all you do for us/OOTS. Sorry you have to deal with jerks. I celebrate your growth in dealing with people with NPD. 

[Kizzie]

Tks Three Roses and Notalone, being here with all of you has really helped me to move forward so group hug   

[Northman]

You are so impressive 

[Bach]

Kizzie, thank you so much for all you do.  This place has been a lifeline for me since I had a big trauma in June that led to my discovering that I had CPTSD. 

...know that together we are have something few of us have had, a voice, validation, and a place to belong...

That's the 'magic' for me,  it's us helping us.

I so appreciate these sentiments. 

[Kizzie]

Tk you Northman, and Bach very glad OOTS has been helpful to you 

I have to admit I get discouraged from time to time and wonder if I should keep doing this but threads like this and knowing deep inside how much we all need to connect, share and to help ourselves and other survivors is what keeps me going.   

[Snowdrop]

I'd like to add to the voices of appreciation. Thank you for everything that you do. This community is wonderful.

[SigNature]

Long time lurker, 1st time poster....

Kizzie you wrote:
"I have to admit I get discouraged from time to time and wonder if I should keep doing this but threads like this and knowing deep inside how much we all need to connect, share and to help ourselves and other survivors is what keeps me going.  "

I still can't find myself or my voice, despite several breakdowns and multiple years of therapy, and reading almost all there is to read about CPtsd, but this website and your guardianship of it has given me some degree of hope....I just wanted you to know that🙏.

[Kizzie]

Tks so much Snowdrop    and NatureGirl  It really is helpful on those days when I feel discouraged and wonder if I want to carry on, to know OOTS does make a difference.

And an extra big NatureGirl for making the effort to post, it was brave and kind and you have helped make a difference in my life by doing so.

[SigNature]

Thank you Kizzie, for acknowledging me, I'm actually really feeling that hug as tingles.  I'm really quite shy and scared of exposure and can't work out where I am yet, or if I ever will, I still see the world from within my bubble.....but I love this website and the supportive network you have built.  It is very validating 🙏🙏🙏

[Blueberry]

It really is helpful on those days when I feel discouraged and wonder if I want to carry on, to know OOTS does make a difference.

OOTS has made and continues to make a huge difference to my healing journey! I so appreciate all the work you do here, Kizzie.