Wattlebird's recovery journal

[Wattlebird]

Trigger warning mentions self harm

I've decided to start a new journal, I want to work through 2 books,  with the goal of improving my mental health, my emotional well being, and nurturing my parts, I was going to wait until I moved house and start a new journal, with my new environment but with the fires and  travel being so restricted it may be months before I sell,
The two books I'm going to be focusing on are
1. Coping with trauma related dissociation, skills training
2. The DBT skills work book
I've read both books through but I'm really going to work on gaining the skills I lack. Both books really outlined the problems I experience so well that I'm going to use both.
This past week I've been working on distress tolerance, something I have very little of, so I've been concentrating on 2 main methods - distraction and key word relaxation
Distractions I use range from breathing exercises to cold showers,  reading books, to counting backwards to cleaning the house and mindfulness,
When trying to distract from self distructive thoughts I pull my hair - not out, just enough to feel pain,  I'm not sure about this as it seems wrong to cause myself pain but it really works, the dbt book said a non destructive pain like an elastic band snapped on your wrist was far better than more permanent forms of pain, and distracts ur thoughts.
I'll go through my second method tomorrow  cue word relaxation
Wb

[Sceal]

Sounds like you got two good books that are giving you help and tips on how to handle rough situations.
Re-reading them might also help too. I got two self-help books I am considering re-reading now at the start of the new year. I hope you find a better method than pain to distract yourself from the hurt though. 

[Wattlebird]

Thanks sceal - I'm working on it,
The cue word relaxation - it works by practicing relaxation techniques while using your cue word like repeating it in your head out loud whatever your comfortable with, and soon your mind associates the two and you can use your cue word to help relax yourself. I'm still working on this, I think it will help with my social anxieties, so I'm enjoying the practice, it's going to need continuous work,
On other news my d1 went home and my d2 is here for a week to help out with the fire prepping bel and fighting if necessary, I drove my d2 here and saw an awful lot of devestation on the trip, houses shops and cars burnt out power poles down, just hour after hour of driving on a 5 hour trip at least 3 hrs was through burnt country and there still burning it's quite calm at the moment though so safe to travel -we've been told to expect a bad weekend.
Wbb

[woodsgnome]

  Welcome to the new journal, Wattlebird. May it serve as a harbinger of smoothing out the rough ride you've been on.

Here's hoping also that the fire situation can be turned aside, which has to be truly taxing with all the personal issues you've been dealing with.

[Wattlebird]

Thanks woodsgnome the fire situation has indeed eased somewhat,
I've been feeling in limbo waiting for my house to sell so I can get away from here and start fresh elsewhere, now I'm starting to realise I just need to get on with life and start doing some of these plans, it's not ideal here with so many triggers close by but I can't just live in limbo forever.
I'm looking at anchoring techniques today and thinking about how I can be consciously aware of practising them, I have been dissociating a lot, though I've been much more aware of it occurring now, ive learnt to recognise the cause and want to start to try and anchor me to the present, I already feel inner opposition to this so I'm guessing it will be a struggle
Wb

[Blueberry]

Oh my, Wattlebird, I hadn't read your previous posts in the last while about actually being in the area of Australia with the bushfires. So sending you much support from here at OOTS and thinking of you.

In one post you thanked the community here for allowing you to 'rant' on a non-cptsd subject. To that I would say more or less any subject or occurrence in life can be triggering to us cptsd-ers so I don't see what you're writing as a rant at all. I can't imagine what I'd be doing in your shoes. Possibly the danger would act grounding in a way, but it's also possible I'd shut down inside or have such anxiety I wouldn't be able to function or or or. Especially in the moments/hours when there's nothing to do except try and sleep through the night.   

Good on you for continuing to work on your healing with your new books inspite of the fire or anything else You are definitely moving forwards!

[Hope67]

Hope you are ok Wattlebird, thinking of you.   
Hope 

[Sceal]

 

[Wattlebird]

Hi all
I've been dealing with bush fires here still, they have eased at the moment though our road out is still closed due to falling trees that were burnt out, it's been rediculous there's only one road in and out of our town, and so many people have lost houses, well over 2000 in my state so far, 3 locals were killed it's just mind blowing,
I've started doing therapy over the inet which is working out better than I thought it would (my therapist is semi retiring and kept a few long term clients online)
I'm getting anxious as I've got a session this afternoon, I still get anxious over therapy and it's nearly been 2 years since I started. I sometimes think I'm going backwards, I'm not however, i am so emotional now I don't know how to handle it,
This week gone by I had a strange experience of a teenage part take over I was confused in my house expecting my childhood home and wasn't sure where I was, I haven't been in that house for 25 years it was strange, not scary just confusing, I've been worrying about DID ever since. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it today. I have mentioned it as a concern once before about a yr ago but she said adamantly that I didn't have DID, so 
Wb

[Not Alone]

So sorry for all you and those in your country are continuing to suffer. Glad you have your T. I still get anxious about therapy too. Therapy is opening doors to fear, pain, shame, anger. Makes sense to feel anxious before opening those doors.

[Wattlebird]

Hi all
I just want to send a big virtual hug to my oots friends during this pandemic, I am currently in semi lockdown here in aus, for us it's the 3 rd major disaster this year after the fires then floods, now this virus, so virtually everyone is suffering from trauma, I've been in one type of stay at home order for probably half the year, it's crazy, I've been getting video conference therapy weekly and it's a life saver, my d2 got married at the end of December and her hubby has 2 little ones in his full time care, so now I'm a nanna as well, they are currently living with me until they find a rental, which is pretty much impossible atm, with so many losing there houses in the fires there is a big strain on the rental market and now with lockdown  I am actually loving having them here, the kids are so beautiful it's lifted me up a lot - we are far from any city so the crisis isn't as bad here, my d1  and son are in a city, d1 lost her job in shutdowns but my s has his job still, it's an essential service, I want them to come here though they are are staying there. Hope you are all well.
hugs from wb

[Not Alone]

Wattlebird,
It is so good to hear from you. I've been wondering how you are doing with disaster after disaster in your country added to your own issues. Glad you are enjoying your family and especially the little ones. They bring noise and joy!
Hug to you too. 

[Hope67]

Hi Wattlebird,  Good to hear from you, and sending you a hug    It's nice that you're enjoying time with your relatives, and that the kids have lifted up your spirits. 
Hope 

[Sceal]

An virtual hug to you as well!
I am glad to hear that you are safe, and that the little kids are making your days better.
Hoping things will clear up sooner rather than later, this is certainly a global trial.