Introducing myself

[rjbush]

Hello everybody and thank you for having me here.  I am new to this and forums in general, so please forgive any faux pas I make and correct / redirect me if I do so.

HOW I DEVELOPED CPTSD:
Birth / Childhood:
I have an emotionally vacant, Narcissistic Mother.  She was hyper-critical and emotionally  neglectful to me as an infant/child.  Although I am of above average IQ and an empath / HSP but was an invisible child; my mother did not notice these things about me.  She has never gotten help so she remains toxic to this day. I limit my exposure to her.

Adolescence:
I discovered my dad, who was a Lutheran Minister, was having an affair. I kept it a secret for about a year; a heavy burden to bear as a 14 year old. Once I told my mom, they got a divorce.

Freshman in college:
I got engaged at age 17 in high school to a 23 year old. When a freshman in college, I broke off the engagement. 6 months later, he was murdered by his new gf's ex-husband.

Twenties:
A man attempted to rape me; I successfully fought him off.

Thirties:
I was with an alcoholic abusive boyfriend. He broke a bone in my foot, he broke my forearm and broke 3 of my ribs.

Forties:
I was in another abusive relationship with a man with mental health issues and an active addiction.  He broke my arm in the same place it was broken before, stole $700 cash from my purse and fled in my car.

I then married a decent man; however he was ill with cirrhosis of the liver, then liver cancer. We got him on the liver transplant list but he died before getting a new liver.

Fifties:
I got remarried (much too quickly) to a man with (unbeknownst to me) Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was unaware of the Narc / Empath "draw".  I locked myself in my separate bedroom for a year and a half to protect myself from his mental abuse.

Current situation:
I escaped our home in September 2019. I have my own apartment with my cat - it is my sacred space!

What I am doing for recovery and healing:
I am immersing myself in learning about 1) NPD, 2) the Empath & Narc connection, 3) the trauma bond and 4) my CPTSD.  I begin working with a new therapist who specializes in trauma, tomorrow, to begin my healing journey; I am reading books, scouring the internet for knowledge and I am participating in this group.

Thank you!

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, rjbush! This is a helpful, welcoming, supportive community - you've come to the right place!

[Snowdrop]

Pleased to meet you!

[Northman]

Hi
Welcome!

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome RJ!    I can only imagine that your apartment is a sacred space after all you've been through.  We (relational trauma survivors) really need to carve out safe/sacred spaces for ourselves. 

[Not Alone]

Welcome. 

[bluepalm]

A very warm welcome to you RJBush. I wish you all the very best on your healing journey and I'm glad you've found OOTS. It is a safe, kind and caring community and it's proven to be an important support for me in my journey to understand and heal as best I can from the injuries I've experienced.
bluepalm