PTSD After Dad's Visit

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Phoebes

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PTSD After Dad's Visit
« on: January 14, 2020, 07:12:24 PM »
I had finally gotten back to a good mindset after Christmas, but hadn't seen EnD yet as my sibling and I decided we are not being told we have to spend our vacation time with his N-wife.

Anyway, he came doin here on his own and spent some time with both the sib and myself. It's all fine as long as NOTHING is talked about. Any tiny sliver of truth or reality slipping in goes south very quickly.

I planned and tried to be very calm, observe don't absorb, stick with my truth and all that I know. I did ok with that, but not great.

The PTSD comes from just being covertly and overtly treated like an infant in a way, as well as, well..

So I knew the inevitable topic would come up- the controlling nature of them trying to hornswoggle us into things and the way they, particularly Nsm, treats us, but also how he enables her. He introduced the topic of buy visit last summer only to minimize it, and then go on to a very triggering topic of how he believes very strongly in corporal punishment, raising his voice and using the bible to justify..I almost got sucked into that one, and did briefly, which was very triggering to me (why would he do that knowing my past), and I then rerouted the conversation back to what he had dismissed already...

He somewhat seemed to listen, but brought up some crazy points about in the distant past- things that came from Nsm and that weren't even true.

I think my EnD is nowhere to be found anymore. He is the only parent I thought I had left, and I am feeling very triggered, sad, distraught, and emotionally and physically wiped out. It's been hard to do my job since he left, and I'm just feeling, well, like he died, honestly... he's determined we will all be back together and on vacation together in months, and I told him NO, I will not be. I'd love to be but it's because of how they treat us that I just can't do anymore, and I told him.

He doesn't listen to how they are hurtful and try to change and realize. It just makes him point out crazy things I didn't even know existed in their minds and basically I guess his point is he will try to keep forcing us or I guess we won't be family. Then he said that's the end of this conversation, I'm not talking about this anymore....and then went back to lalalala head in the clouds superficial talk (but minimizing) for the rest of the time...I'm just very triggered and worked up 2 days later. Thank you for letting me vent about this. I try to only write on this site when it concerns my C-PTSD, and this definitely does.

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Not Alone

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Re: PTSD After Dad's Visit
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2020, 10:12:02 PM »
It sounds really difficult and triggering.
I planned and tried to be very calm, observe don't absorb, stick with my truth and all that I know. I did ok with that, but not great.

I think that doing "okay"  in that situation is really very good.

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Phoebes

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Re: PTSD After Dad's Visit
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2020, 04:41:35 AM »
Thank you, not alone. I appreciate the response. I think I'm surprised at my triggered reaction-I didn't think my EnD was going to be so N himself, and was pretty shocked to learn he's been harboring some untrue things about me, made up by his wife. My D's lack of defense or protection and concern for me never ceases to end.

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Blueberry

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Re: PTSD After Dad's Visit
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2020, 08:47:43 AM »
I agree with notalone, doing "okay" in that kind of situation is great :cheer:

I think I'm surprised at my triggered reaction-I didn't think my EnD was going to be so N himself, and was pretty shocked to learn he's been harboring some untrue things about me, made up by his wife. My D's lack of defense or protection and concern for me never ceases to end.

I was really very badly triggered as well as shocked, upset, deeply hurt on the two occasions where an enabler in FOO (first F, then B2) showed me their true colours. Especially realising how little F really cared about me. Maybe they're hiding behind their enabler role, but actually are really narcs? Anyway, you're not alone with this. I understand and your D's tactics sound very familiar...

Sending  :hug: :hug: if safe for you.

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Kizzie

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Re: PTSD After Dad's Visit
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2020, 05:05:10 PM »
It's a gut wrenching reality to face Phoebes so it's no wonder you are feeling as you as do. It sounds like his exposure to your Nsm has ramped up his own N behaviours and together they are creating and insisting on an alternate reality as those with NPD tend to do.

At least you clearly recognize it and that''s some solid recovery so hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing you are moving forward.

 :grouphug: