Need help resolving a intrusive thought

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Pretendfamily

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Need help resolving a intrusive thought
« on: January 16, 2020, 02:16:20 AM »
I am a guy with long hair and people have always called me a girl. When ever I begin to talk I have the thought “you sound like a girl” and my voice will change to sound like a girl.  This didn’t start happening until people started comparing me to a girl then I couldn’t stop comparing the things I do to how a woman does it. When I forget about this thought my voice sounds normal and not like a girl. Any help is appreciated I don’t know how long I can deal with this before I end up yelling at someone.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2020, 07:39:00 PM by Kizzie »

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arale

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Re: Need help resolving a intrusive thought
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2020, 11:02:03 AM »
Hi Pretendfamily, I'm not sure what things you've already tried, so you might have already tried some of these ideas and found that they don't work. But I thought I'd throw some ideas out to start the conversation going:

- Focus on the breath - belly rising, falling; or chest expanding, contracting; or air coming in, out of nostrils; I love Tara Brach's Nine Magic Breaths:
https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-9-magic-breaths/
- Feel the feet on the ground. Feel the support and the anchoring provided by the ground and the rest of the planet that is attached to it.
- Role play. Before you speak, choose a character you want to sound like (e.g., Thor, Harry Potter, Yoda, Dalai Lama  :dramaqueen:) and speak as if you were the character.
- Cutting your hair? I know, this sounds a bit radical and it might not actually change anything, but I'm just throwing out ideas trying to be helpful.

I'll stop my imagination running wild for now. Even if none of these ideas are anything close to what you need, I just want to let you know that you are being heard and that you are not alone.  :yes:

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Blueberry

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Re: Need help resolving a intrusive thought
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2020, 06:26:39 PM »
Do you have any imagination exercises? If that might be your thing, you can imagine a helpful being around you to protect you from these comparisons, or from the people who say them, or to give you strength to remain you. The helpful being doesn't have to be a person. Often an animal or mythical character is better. 

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sanmagic7

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Re: Need help resolving a intrusive thought
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2020, 01:57:32 AM »
hey, pf,

i was raised in the 50's in the u.s., when most all men had short hair - it was the 'norm', except for a few eccentrics, if you want to put that label out there.  i'm talking about einstein, franklin, da vinci, linnaeus, et. al., some of the greatest scientists in the world.  however history shows men having long hair for ages, including some of the most 'manliest' (and i'm not trying to be gender insensitive at all) such as the vikings and indigenous warriors.

when the 60's came around, the beatles came on the scene, and many men began growing their hair longer.  being called 'girls' by people was so rampant as to be absurd.  yet, that's where i noticed our culture started on all this kind of mocking of guys w/ hair longer than a buzz cut.  after the beatles,  music groups of all kinds had shoulder-length hair and longer.  many men had hair that women wished they could have had,  (i think of young eddie van halen personally) but it took nothing away from their masculinity, virility, nor just plain manliness.

i'm very sorry you got bullied and shamed for wearing your hair as you choose - to me, that's absolutely ridiculous!  those people have nothing better in their lives than to mock someone's hairstyle?  personally, i loved longer hair on guys when it first started, still do to this day.  maybe you can look up some images of men thru history who had long hair and were regarded with respect.   i think long hair on men is wonderful - my only caveat is that it is clean.  i hope to let you know that you have one avid fan here of your long hair.  love and hugs to you! :hug:

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Heart

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Re: Need help resolving a intrusive thought
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2020, 10:09:07 PM »
 :grouphug: Hi, with my anxieties and insecurities I have found that my two dogs give me some space to just breathe. If I get rattled or triggered bending down and "adjusting " my girls  - give me pause to think how I want to handle the situation. Do I want to respond?  Do I change the topic?  Or what do I want. Having the support from these trusted friends are a great way to get through some ruff patches. In any shape or form you are good enough as you are. Plz take care of you. Superficial things doesn't tell anything about the inside person, isn't that what counts?

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Snowdrop

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Re: Need help resolving a intrusive thought
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2020, 02:55:46 PM »
I wonder if there's a couple of things going on.

First, is the thought an inner critic? If it is, this board might help you: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0

Second, you say your voice changes in response to the thought. I wonder if this might be down to anxiety triggered by the thought? When we're anxious, our breathing becomes shallower, and our voice can come from higher up in our body. This can make our voice sound higher. If we're more relaxed, our breathing is deeper, our voice comes from lower down, and this can make it sound deeper.

It will require a bit of experimentation, but it might be helpful to see if you can feel where your voice comes from when you speak normally, and where it comes from when you have the thought. Then see if breathing more deeply helps you relax, and helps your voice move down.