Revenge is my recovery?

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Rainagain

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Revenge is my recovery?
« on: January 25, 2020, 10:37:45 AM »
Posted a lot about my workplace trauma.

I've been talking to a journalist for a trade magazine in my old field of work, they want to do a feature based on how badly I was treated and the resulting psychiatric damage I suffered.

They think there might be national press interest in what happened to me.

So, pushing back against the harrassment I suffered gives me some power back after I was harmed, it could be part of getting well, or getting closure.

But it means opening myself up to further harm and labelling myself as a victim for all to see.

It's a small revenge, but probably worth the risks, perhaps.

I dont feel I have much left to lose, so much has already gone.

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saylor

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2020, 03:35:04 PM »
In one way, it sounds like a glorious opportunity most of us could never fathom. On the other hand, it could backfire, and your name will always be one Google search away from anyone finding out

In your shoes, I’d be asking myself whether there might ever be a time in the future that I’d rather others couldn’t find out. If so, I might decide not to go through with it.... My biggest concern would probably be with prospective employers. Even if you’re completely justified in your accusations, you could end up being someone future employers will be wary of

I’m certainly not trying to talk you out of it. I’ve often thought revenge, which I’ve never realized in any satisfying way, could be healing. I just hope this doesn’t end up being something you regret, for whatever reason. You may also want to consult a lawyer to make sure all your t’s are crossed and i’s dotted so there’s absolutely no room for a libel lawsuit (I’m not a lawyer and am not sure how all that works—just being paranoid, as that’s what I do best :bigwink:)

And, of course, some people automatically bash others for having a “victim mentality”. Unfortunately, “victim” has become a dirty word. We’re all expected to just get on with it, no matter what. Society can be very callous

Just curious, did you reach out to the journalist, or did they contact you?

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Bach

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2020, 04:51:38 PM »
My only thought about this is that when you consider whether or not to do the story, you should separate the concept of getting revenge from the concept of doing something that will promote your healing.  Think about each of these potential motivations separately, think about what you hope to accomplish in these areas, and then once you've done that, consider whether the aims of these motivations conflict with each other.

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Kizzie

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #3 on: January 25, 2020, 05:50:02 PM »
I recently read something on Twitter that might help - it was a thread about revenge and whether it was best to speak up/out or step away and one person wrote" It's not about getting revenge, it's about getting justice." It can also be about healing as Bach touched on and I would add, send a message that perpetrators and survivors need to hear.

That said, I echo Bach and Saylor in suggesting that before you do anything it might an idea to carefully consider potential backlash and other negative consequences.  It might even be an idea to check with a lawyer.   

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Contessa

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2020, 12:25:51 AM »
Hey RG.

It does sound like a great opportunity for justice and further healing, but as the others here have said, I do worry about those very same consequences.

You have spent a heck of a long time fighting this fight, you have fought hard and well, and you have more than earned your right peace.

I don't know anything about journalism, so can't offer any insight there. Only questions. Could you participate on the condition of anonymity perhaps?

You are the absolute number one priority in all of this. In my mind, the journalist/magazine has to have that priority too. I hope this is the case.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2020, 12:22:07 AM »
i agree w/ everyone about making sure you take care of yourself first.  none of us want to see you get hurt any more than you already have.  i think a lot of what's been going on w/ women naming their perps is more of a justice thing than revenge, tho.  i looked up the definition of revenge, and there was nothing said about justice or healing - only that it was to exact hurt in kind, to punish, or to get back at someone in a vindictive manner.  i think, from what you're saying, is that you'd simply be telling the truth, bringing it into the light.

if telling your truth would be cathartic, healing, bringing closure to a horrid chapter to your life, it sounds like it might be something worth pursuing, but making sure that, again, you won't get hurt.  i think there are some good suggestions here to think about.  it's an opportunity for sure, as long as it does what you truly want it to do.

best to you, rainagain.  sending love and a hug filled w/ clarity :hug:

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Rainagain

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2020, 10:55:04 AM »
Thank you all for your insight, very helpful.

Others have recommended I move on and focus on new things, I dont think they understand the need to be heard after years of powerlessness.

Revenge isnt the right word really. What was done to me was done by the powerful because they believed I was trapped and helpless. Press coverage would be a negative consequence that they never expected could happen.

I dont have to worry about future employment prospects, I am too unwell to work, no real prospect of recovery and no treatment available that hasn't already failed, this according to several different psychologists.

The press story would bring me some comfort I think, It would be fair that the deeds done in secret were made known and held up to public scrutiny, it wouldn't be revenge, just truth.

But it is a big step from a trade magazine to national coverage, if that does happen.

Shows me how shocking my situation was that the journalist is thinking along those lines, to me it's my reality and my history, to others it is shocking, that is interesting somehow.

I've fought for years for justice and to be heard, i suppose this is basically my perfect opportunity to do that.

My ex employer are still fighting me at every turn so this could change things for me, public opinion is vital to them as they are part of the government.

A whiff of scandal and they might stop trying to harm me further, hard to carry on bashing me once others are watching.

I am still amazed they chose to victimise me so thoroughly, i was just trying to do a good job, one they asked me to do.

Anyway  thank you again for your input, you understand how publicity could aid or harm recovery, not many people see that aspect.

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Kizzie

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2020, 04:31:46 PM »
 :grouphug:

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sanmagic7

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #8 on: January 28, 2020, 04:47:27 PM »
ya know, i don't think we always are able to see what we've gone thru the same way others can see it from the outside.  as you noted, this has been your reality, it happened, while others see it as shocking.  you may not see your courage, bravery, perseverance, and determination in getting thru all this either, but we do.

consequences they didn't expect - yep, bring the gunk into the light and others can see it for what it is.  'they' wanted to keep it hidden for a reason.  those are people extremely high on my list of people i dislike (putting it mildly) - bullies, manipulators, people who take advantage of those they perceive as weaker just to make themselves feel stronger and bigger.  well, that shows how weak and scared and little they really are.

with you all the way, rainagain, no matter what you choose.  sending love and  a hug filled w/ total support :hug:

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Rainagain

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Re: Revenge is my recovery?
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2020, 12:47:58 AM »
Thank you.

San, you are so right.

What happened to me was unnecessary and happened because one manager felt entitled to make bad decisions without facing any consequences for them.

The rest just went along with it.

What happened was so simple really, I just took years to see it clearly, I found it bewildering.

Time to go loud, go public and see what happens.

Thank you all for helping me with this, decisions are hard for me to make.