Relationships TW sa and sh

[HannahL]

Does anyone ever feel completely overwhelmed by the possibility of being in a relationship? I don't want to be lonely but as soon as I think someone might like me, I worry about the physical side of the relationship. I was sexually abused quite a lot as a child and all of the memories I try so hard to bury just come flooding back and I struggle to function. The only way I can stop the memories of abuse is to self harm or work myself into the ground. When I'm not worrying about dating then I can hold myself together much better, with only occasional blips. I think I want to know if dating will ever be worth it? Has anyone else experienced the same thing and managed to get into a relationship?

[OSUJH]

My husband is so patient.   I met him at almost 30 and dating was a struggle until I met him.   I am not a fan of sex at all, I am learning through therapy that is not because it is a trigger to me but from being sexually abused and raped from ages 8-12 I think  of it as dirty.

I am hoping you are seeing a therapist.   I didn't start going until 6 months ago and it is life changing.   I will keep you in my prayers, please know you are worth something!  Hugs!

[HannahL]

Thank you for replying. I'm so pleased to hear things are working out for you. I'm 31 now and thinking maybe just being on my own would be ok?
I've had therapy but had to leave my group due to my dad passing away and lots of emotions around that. It wasn't him that abused me, but both my parents were around whilst it was happening so I resented them for not looking after me. They were in the same house, getting drunk, whilst I was being abused by multiple people. Now I'm struggling to get back into therapy due to limited spaces and issues over counties etc.
I feel like I'm floating in a bit of a limbo and don't know what to do.
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, that means a lot. I hope things continue to improve for you x

[Blueberry]

I would certainly be completely overwhelmed physically/sexually in a relationship, in fact even just dating. I've always been on my own and I'm 50 now. It's maybe not ideal and up until maybe my mid-30's or even even 40-ish I was still working on healing enough to be able to manage a relationship, but now there are so many other aspects of my life that I think take precedence.

If you feel being on your own is ok atm, then it probably is for you. That could change when you've sorted out a therapy place again. ime feeling safe and secure is very helpful for healing and feeling in limbo reduces security.

[Heart]

HannahL I understand you so well.  How can we trust people and especially someone new... I found it a difficult task.  So I got myself pen friends. A safe way to learn about someone. 
Ask questions and I wanted to see a natural full disclosure on my question without having to say that.
This March we celebrate our 26 anniversary. And I have shared half my life with him. There are many good men out there. Just take care and your time. Don't give your heart easily.  And don't give up on a relationship until you really want to. Through letters I found a safe place. But I must confess that it took a year of being married before I stopped shaking when I knew that he was coming home. DH was wonderful and gave me space. Understanding. Safety. Love. But it takes time. Can I send you a careful 

[Kizzie]

Hey Hannah, just wanted to mention there are increasing numbers of people identifying as asexual so the idea of life without sex is no longer the 'oddity' it was considered to be once upon a time.

I'm not suggesting you're asexual given the reason you fear sexual intimacy, just that there are others out there who want relationships without sex.

Here's a link - https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327272.php#asexual-spectrums.

[HannahL]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me. It means so much. Other than therapy, this is the only time I've been able to share this part of my life.

[Kizzie]