Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time

[marta1234]

Notalone, you just brought tears to my eyes. I thought I was the only one thinking and feeling like this about the news. The looting and violence has scared me so much, and it just brings me back to childhood when fear was put on me so I'd give things up.

I wanted to bring you a hug, for you and the littles, and Hope, and how better you're feeling. I hope it's ok 

[Bach]

[Hope67]

  to you and your parts Notalone.
Hope 

[Not Alone]

Marta, Bach, and Hope,
Thank you for your hugs and support.

My nerves are on edge. I feel angry. I've had a bad headache for the last two days. ahhhhh

[Not Alone]

I am doing better today. Jo (11) talked to T and maybe some of the feelings from yesterday were in anticipation of that.

[Jazzy]

Glad you're doing better and managed that talk!

[owl25]

I'm glad you are feeling better and that Jo got to talk to T. 

[Snowdrop]

That's good about Jo.

[Not Alone]

My employer has been asking me to work on Fridays. I normally do not, but I agreed to work on Fridays in April and I did one Friday in May. I realize I really need that day to just be and also time for the Littles. I've been telling work no for Fridays.

This morning I got a message from a former coworker (different job). They are looking for someone full-time. I'd be working with people I've had a good working relationship with in the past. But right now, a five hour shift is taxing. Plus I have therapy sessions two days a week. My T's schedule is limited. So I said 'no thank you.' If I had a physical illness and had to take time to go to the doctor and then time to recover from treatment, I would do that. The treatment and recovery that I need is not due to something physical, it's because of what others did to me. All this damage did not have to happen. The person I am now is only a small percent of the capable person they used to work with. I still pull off "competent" with my current job, but it is part-time and it takes a lot out of me.

Today I journaled Jo's session with T. Just her stuff alone is so much and so confusing and complex. And that is just one part of the abuse. It is all so much.

I did a lot of errands and chores today, and there is still a lot I need to do. Some of it is in the "must" category. Even with all that, my house is a mess. I don't need super clean by any stretch, but messy and dirty weighs on me. I'm trying to take one thing at a time, but am feeling overwhelmed. I decided to take a break and spend a little time in my OOTS oasis.

A positive note, while I was writing this my H came home. I shared the job situation with him and he was supportive and said I made the right decision.

[Bach]

notalone, how wonderful that you were able to understand what you need and to recognise that your needs are important. You were fair to yourself and the Parts, and made a decision based on kindness and self-care. I'm so proud of you! 

[owl25]

This sounds like really good self-care notalone, you made the right decision. Some day you'll be able to take on more again, but right now is the time to focus on you and your health. Glad your husband is supportive too 

[Not Alone]

Bach and Owl, I felt like I was making a decision that would just keep my head above the water. Your comments made me feel more positive. Like my decision about the job and Fridays wasn't just survival, it was a step of progress.

[Tee]

  hi notalone I'm sure you weighed your options well and made the best decision for right now.

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Tee. It is great to hear from you.

[Hope67]

Hi Notalone,
I just read what you wrote about Fridays, and I admire the fact you asserted your boundaries, and said what you needed.  It's great self-care, and definitely a step of progress.   
Hope