Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time

[Bach]

I hate "should". I think it all the time, I "should" this, I "should" that. A big pile of SHOULD.

Please do try to be kind to yourself. You are doing so much. I think a lot of us burden ourselves unnecessarily with a feeling that no matter what we do it will not be enough. That's a lie that the abusers who still live in our heads tell us. So let me tell you: You are good. You are enough.

[Hope67]

I hope that you're able to be kind to yourself, and I'd like to send you a supportive hug    I hope your session with your T goes ok, and thinking of you.
Hope 

[Tee]

  yes my sweet friend be kind to yourself.  Memories and flashbacks beat us up enough to add to it.  Rest and be kind get a cup of whatever you enjoy most and just rest for a while.  Good luck with you T.

[Not Alone]

Snowdrop, Bach, Hope, & Tee: Thank you so much for your kindness. I listened to the encouragement of your words and felt the warmth of your hugs. Hugs back to you. 

Again, I find myself starting to write something and then I don't feel safe.  I will respect that feeling and not share some things right now.

After my therapy session, I called a friend, who knows about my DID. She came over and rubbed my (a Part's) back for awhile. It was good to receive that love and nurturing. (May I say, good for me for calling her and asking her for what I needed?)

I have a lot to process from my session. I have a bad headache (not unusual) so I took some tylenol pm. I'm going to curl up with my bear and try to focus on the care I received today from T and friend.

[Snowdrop]

May I say, good for me for calling her and asking her for what I needed?

Yes! It's great that you did that. Your friend sounds wonderful.

[Not Alone]

Thanks, Snowdrop.


I am feeling tired right now. I worked 5 ¹/₂ hours, got gas, got a few groceries. Also told work no to working more hours on Saturday then I am already scheduled. That is really hard for me, and especially difficult today as the guilt wants to seep in.

Telling T the new memory yesterday has taken a lot out of me. I just want to crash and be nurtured. To think and process. I have things I need to do tonight or I'll be more stressed tomorrow. Yesterday was significant.

[Tee]

Hugs hope you can rest. Take care of yourself.

[Hope67]

Hi Notalone,
Really hope that you're able to get the rest you need, and sending you a hug   
Hope 

[woodsgnome]

So glad to find you had a good sharing with T and a worthwhile visit from your understanding friend. Mostly it's the self-care that I appreciate your being able to share a bit about.

Self-care can be deceptively hard sometimes, so it's admirable to read of times when it happens.

[Not Alone]

Tee, Hope, Woodsgnome; thank you for your comments and your hugs. I am feeling very vulnerable and the care is greatly appreciated.

I have so much going on, stemming from the memory that I told T on Monday. I just sat staring at the computer screen for five minutes. Maybe if I just write words, as opposed to sentences, because I feel very disconnected and fragmented.

disbelieving                sick             afraid                terrified                   incredulous                 humiliated                    sad                   alone                  needy                     

                 shamed               confused               heard                believed                    raw                        vulnerable            hurt                     pain

   used                    disgusted              dizzy                shaky                      physical memories            fixated               young              images

[Blueberry]

notalone, thank you for sharing these with us in the way you could. That's self-care. I also read that there's an awful lot going on internally. I'm sending support 

[Snowdrop]

When I read those words it feels like swirling waters. Lots going on, and I can imagine how vulnerable you must feel.

I'm glad that "heard" and "believed" are in there. That must mean so much to the brave 12 year old.

Sending you much love, and a big, safe hug of support.

[Not Alone]

Blueberry & Snowdrop,    Thank you for hearing and seeing me.

[Tee]

  your fragmented words speak straight to my Littles. It's so hard diving into memories of the past to try to heal. You are so brave to share your journey.  Big hugs full of understanding, compassion  love  empathy    And friendship!!!

[Not Alone]

Hugs and compassion back to you, Tee.

Tomorrow I plan on telling T a memory that I told to someone else 13 months ago and I was not fully believed. Not being believed sent me into a fall into an endless pit. I am scared.