Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time

[Snowdrop]

I'm glad you were better after this session, I can imagine the relief. Finding significant thoughts is progress. I'm glad your T is showing such kindness.

[Not Alone]

Thank you Bach, Tee, & Snowdrop. 

[sanmagic7]

since i've been away, i don't really know what's going on w/ you, but i want you to know it sounds like you're doing ok for the moment, and i'm glad of that.  thinking of you, even when i'm not here.  keep taking care of you, ok?  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Thank you, San. I know you've been going through a rough time. Love and hugs to you. 

[Not Alone]

Today I have spent a great deal of time just BEING. I also did a lot of being mom and some cleaning. I really needed this day to just breathe, journal, think, etc. Even the thought of watching a movie or t.v. seems unappealing. I unexpectedly have today and tomorrow off work. I didn't know how much I needed some time to not have the pressure to "be on." I'm sitting in my patio, enjoying the cushions that I sewed covers for, have candles burning, gentle lights above and the sound of rain on the roof.

[woodsgnome]

Here's a nod to your appreciation for the importance of just Being, especially in a world so taken with always Doing. I hope you can always find ways to relax into your essential Being. 

[Not Alone]

Hi. This is Hope. I am 5 in case you don't know me. I wanted to text my friends, but Not Alone said it was too late, even grown-ups are sleeping. I am awake. Harriet is asleep. She's my pretty doll. My friend, S., gave her to me. I just finished putting stickers in Not Alone's journal to make it pretty. She likes that. I get to sleep with Harriet tonight because NA's husband is not home. Not Alone is typing for me because I know how to write my name, but I can't write very many words. I'm only five. I want to call one of my friends on the phone and talk. I wish there was a way to know if someone is awake without waking them up to find out.  Not Alone said I can talk to all of you because if you are asleep this won't wake you up. She said it is all different times where some of you are. How can that be true?

Our therapist is not here this week. I don't know where he is. No one asked him. I made a picture for him with crayons and stickers. Not Alone took a picture of it and sent it to him. I don't like it when he's not here. Even though lots of times I don't see him; another Little or NA does, I still like to know he is around. It makes me feel safer.

I'm getting tired now. Good night.       

[Not Alone]

i am still awake. 

[sanmagic7]

i hope by now you are in the middle of a restful sleep.  here's a blanket of safety and comfort for you.  love and hugs

[Snowdrop]

Hi Hope! 

I hope you were able to get to sleep next to Harriet. She sounds lovely.

Your therapist will be back soon. I'm sure he'll love the picture you made for him.

Notalone, I love the sound of your day just Being. I hope you're able to Be today as well.

[Bach]

 

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Woodsgnome.

Thank you, San. Hope fell asleep pretty quickly after her last message.

Snowdrop,Your words about Harriet and assurance that T will like Hope's picture, made her heart glad. I am able to Be today too. Spending some of my time processing last few sessions. Did some art therapy also.

Big hug to you, Bach and all Littles. 

[Not Alone]

I don't work very much each week; 15-20 hours, 3-6 hour shifts, 3-4 days a week. This week I ended up only working one day.

Today I have spent a great deal of time just BEING. I also did a lot of being mom and some cleaning. I really needed this day to just breathe, journal, think, etc. Even the thought of watching a movie or t.v. seems unappealing. I unexpectedly have today and tomorrow off work. I didn't know how much I needed some time to not have the pressure to "be on." I'm sitting in my patio, enjoying the cushions that I sewed covers for, have candles burning, gentle lights above and the sound of rain on the roof.

Even though my job is pretty easy, the two days off this week showed me how stressful being "on" for work is to me. Even when I only work 4-5 hours, I feel exhausted when I get home.

Also, on Thursdays when I have therapy, I changed my schedule in February so that I could go from work to therapy. Now with covid and online therapy, instead of the 15 minute drive to my T's office, I am racing home for online therapy. That has been really stressful. It is over 30 minutes from work to home.  I only have 30 minutes. With more people on the road and construction, that race is getting even more stressful. This is more of a minor issue as I could try to change therapy time (when first made appointments there wasn't anything), or change work schedule again.

I'm thinking of lowering my schedule to 2-3 days a week, 10-15 hours. I know that's not very much. (Now I'm fighting the "I should be able to do more.")

I haven't talked to my husband about this yet.

[Bach]

Please don't "I should be able to..." yourself. You do what you can and there is no "should" other than "be good to yourself" or "be gentle with yourself" or "give yourself the benefit of the doubt." That's what you need more than anything. 

[Snowdrop]

I can imagine how stressful being "on" for work is. No wonder it's exhausting. Having to get home in that time for therapy sounds extra stressful. I know that if it was me, various parts would be getting agitated on the journey home, and might not settle before therapy.

There have been times when I've lowered my work schedule by a day in order to reduce my stress levels. I have found this very healing, particularly when I make sure I spend the extra day on self-care so that it doesn't get absorbed by the rest of the week.