Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time

[Blueberry]

That's great, notalone, you did so well!

[Not Alone]

Thanks, Snowdrop & Blueberry. 

[sanmagic7]

    

[Not Alone]

Thanks, San. 

I had a basket in my bedroom, where I put books, etc. It became a dumping ground, so it was full of a lot of stuff. It has been on my mind to go through the basket and get it out of my room. I finally attacked it today. Of course, then I needed to clear a bookshelf to put a few things from the basket, and clean a space in the closet for a box. . . If you give a mouse a cookie. . . .  There are now several boxes & drawers in my mind that needed to be weeded out  . But, the basket is empty and out of my room! 

I had several journals in the basket. I've been meaning to collect all my journals into a box and put them in my closet with a note on top saying to burn the journals when I die. (Hope, if you are reading this, thank you. Your note in your journal helped me to get a start on this.) I still have drawers and boxes to dig through for older journals, but the journals from the basket are in a box with a note on top. To be honest, a little part of me wants my children to find the journals and read them and realize how much I have gone through. The biggest part of me doesn't want them to feel that they need to take care of me. Not sure if that makes sense.

My Little, Hope (5), spent a bit of time on the bed with her doll. Hope is feeling needy and vulnerable. She was crying with therapist this week and a protector Part came and told therapist to stop talking to Hope. She really needs to see therapist in person, but who knows when that will happen.

H and I are meeting another couple for dinner. I'm sure I will have a nice time, but being social and mostly surface takes a lot of energy.

[Hope67]

Hi Notalone,
It's great that you've tackled that basket of things, and also that you did so much more than that too -    It made sense to me what you wrote about different parts of you having different thoughts and feelings about the journals, it makes a lot of sense.

Glad that Little Hope enjoyed time on the bed with her doll. 

I hope that you enjoy the dinner with the other couple and sending you a hug 

I would also like to thank you for what you said to me in my Journal yesterday, because it made me feel understood and validated, and I really appreciated your support.  It means a lot.  Thank you.   

I bet it feels good to have that empty basket - I have one that is full of things too, and now I'm thinking of tackling mine. 


Hope 

[Not Alone]

Hope, thank you for your kind, thoughtful response.


I'm wrestling. I have an issue that is rather consuming. I don't want to tell T via teletherapy. I really don't want to tell him at all, but especially not online. The issue is getting worse. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. 

[rainydiary]

That is a tough spot to be in and sounds really difficult.  I am sending you whatever it is you need this moment. 

[Not Alone]

Rainydiary, I greatly appreciate your support.

I did not tell T what the issue is, but I told him there is an issue that, for now, I can't talk about online. He heard me. It helps that he knows that I am carrying something that I can't share right now. Even that makes me feel less alone with it.

[Snowdrop]

That sounds like a good way of approaching it. I'm glad he heard you, and you feel less alone with it.

[Hope67]

Hi Notalone,
Just wanted to send you a hug.     Also to say that I'm glad you were able to tell your T that there's an issue that you can't talk about online, and that he heard you.  It's good that you're feeling less alone with that. 
Hope 

[Not Alone]

Getting through the day with xanax and T.V.

[Bach]

I hear that! Although for me it's mostly CBD.

Sending you much love, dear notalone  

[Hope67]

HI Notalone, I also hear you, and sending you love and hugs too.   
Hope 

[Tee]

 

[Not Alone]

Bach, Hope, Tee, & others:

Thank you for your care. Still having a hard time, but I'm okay. Work was fine, but felt like bees in my head. I had an hour after work to curl up on my floor, which comforted me. I work again tomorrow. Needing to see my T. Thursday. Adult me is in distress and my Littles are all upset.