Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time

[marta1234]

Hi notalone, I wanted to send my support. Symptoms from this disorder are hard, and I feel your pain. Hope the struggles that are weighing you down get resolved and found out quickly.
Sending you a hug if that's ok,  . Hope you find comfort with your blankets.

[Snowdrop]

Thinking of you, Notalone.

[sanmagic7]

hey,

i'm glad you're feeling  a bit better.  keep taking care of you as best you can, ok?  love and hugs, my dear

[Not Alone]

Marta, Snowdrop, San, and ALL:

Thanks for the hugs and care. Hugging you back. 

[Not Alone]

Before covid-19, the plan was for Hope to tell her memory to T this Thursday. Won't do that as long as sessions are not face to face. That would not feel safe or kind, at all.

Last night, Hope (5-year-old Little) had visions of her abuse throughout the night. She has been waiting a long time to tell new T what happened to her.

What if this never ends and I never get to see T again? I will be stuck all alone with my bad thing FOREVER. -Hope

Hope wanted to write the above. She did talk to T via Skype today. It helps a little, but to a degree, he doesn't seem like a real person to her on the computer screen. (Interesting that all of you feel real to her. Maybe because she has only known you in this format, plus there isn't a picture like seeing someone on T.V.)

[sanmagic7]

that sounds like a very scary feeling for Hope.  here's a hug just for her.

it also must be tough for you to know she has this big bad thing she wants to get out and has gotten stuck right now.  maybe in time . . .? 

at any rate, letting you both know i care and am sending love and a hug full of de-scared aerosol - push the button, it might help the fear lessen.

[Not Alone]

San, here is a great big hug for you.  And some happiness. 


I love you. From Hope

[Bach]

notalone, the younger B's want to talk to Hope about being scared but, well, they're scared to. I told them I would tell you/her for them. They said that they don't know what's on Hope's mind but they understand what it's like to be scared when everything feels too big and too risky to ever really be safe even though good safe things around, and people who tell you it's going to be okay. Also, that they wish they could hug her, just them without the big people because it would be so nice to hug someone their own size 

[Not Alone]

Bach, will you please read this to the younger B's? Notalone is helping me to write because I don't spell very many words.

Younger B's, Thank you for talking to me. The bad thing I want to tell my T, I want to tell him and I don't want to tell him. I wish it would all just go away, but I know no one can make that happen. I would like to hug you too. I wish we could sit together and color. (I colored a picture for my T today. I will show it to him on Monday. I can't give it to him until I see him. I'm a little scared to give it to him. I hope he likes it and doesn't think I'm stupid.) If we were together we could look at books too. I like pictures of animals. And I think that you like bubbles too. We could have lots of fun.
Love, Hope

[sanmagic7]

hope, i just loved what you sent me, all those fireworks made my heart rumble and roll like a puppy.       and, i love you right back.  you are darling, and i'm sorry you're scared.  that's not a good feeling at all.   

shining some happiness straight to you.      i think it's very brave of you to make that picture to show your T.  you have so much spirit inside you.     i'm so glad you have notalone to take care of you.  many hugs to you

[Not Alone]

Thank you, San. Your message made me feel good.   from Hope

[Bach]

Bach, will you please read this to the younger B's? Notalone is helping me to write because I don't spell very many words.

Younger B's, Thank you for talking to me. The bad thing I want to tell my T, I want to tell him and I don't want to tell him. I wish it would all just go away, but I know no one can make that happen. I would like to hug you too. I wish we could sit together and color. (I colored a picture for my T today. I will show it to him on Monday. I can't give it to him until I see him. I'm a little scared to give it to him. I hope he likes it and doesn't think I'm stupid.) If we were together we could look at books too. I like pictures of animals. And I think that you like bubbles too. We could have lots of fun.
Love, Hope

Hi, Hope    We'd love to sit together and colour.  The other day Bach asked us to draw how we felt and we couldn't because it was too hard.  We wish we could visit with you and all be in a safe place together.  Then we would draw trees and flowers and bugs and animals with happy faces!  We hope you're okay today.  Love, Middle B and Little B

[Not Alone]

To Middle B and Little B:

We wish we could visit with you and all be in a safe place together.  Then we would draw trees and flowers and bugs and animals with happy faces!

I wish that too.

One of our Littles scribbled black to show her feelings. (She broke the crayon.) I thought I would tell you that in case scribbling a color would help.

My friend crocheted a blanket for my doll, Harriet. It has beautiful colors. Since it is crocheted there are holes in it---that's how it is supposed to be. Today I was laying on my bed with my doll's blanket over my face. The sun was shining in the widow. It was like looking through a rainbow! I wish we could play dolls together.

Love, Hope

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[Not Alone]

I am being triggered, trying not to be.  My husband is watching a T.V. show. To my mind, the premise is people being tricked. I guess it is supposed to be funny. Being tricked/deceived.......even more.......being laughed at and made fun of........triggering. And hearing my husband laugh....triggering. I guess to "normal" people, the show is funny.

[saylor]

I can totally relate.

Anytime someone takes visible pleasure in my suffering (e.g., laughs at my failure/humiliation), it's very triggering. It's even worse if I react in a way that they can perceive, and they find that entertaining, too