Repressed Memories Resurfacing. TW

[LittleBoat]

Trigger Warning.  Content of a Sexual and Violent Nature 

Is there information anywhere in this forum about repressed childhood memories and how they might present themselves many years later?   These memories are of incest at the hands of my father.  They're pretty visceral.  Nothing specific like a clear flashback.  But something is leveling me, and I have some suspicions.  And what makes it especially hard is how much I'm beating myself up:  questioning myself, my "motives."  Like....Why would I want to "hurt" my deceased father's memory by "telling" on him?  Why would I cause pain to my family?  I was seriously gaslit as a child.  I was the Scapegoat and always at fault.  And I now have trouble knowing what is/was real.  My aunt (my father's sister) told me she is quite sure my father was sexually abused by their father.  And she is also pretty sure my father sexually abused my older brother.  And maybe my older sister.  I remember having night terrors into my teens, and dreams/fears of a dark figure in my room, as well as frequent dissociation, floating out of my body while in bed.  I also recall "playing dead" while in bed as a child so I wouldn't get hurt by some inchoate force/being that was nearby.  I had long thought these issues were caused by my father and mother getting into physically violent fights all the time, after I went to bed.  But now I'm not so sure.  Any suggestions for where I can get more information or sharing about repressed memories (other threads in this forum or some external resources) would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.  LittleBoat

[Blueberry]

This is maybe a dumb question, but have you tried to Search the forum for "repressed"? That would show you whether there are any discussions of the topic on the forum.

[LittleBoat]

Thanks so much, Blueberry.  I think this falls under Development of CPTSD in Childhood, under the sub-heading "Sexual Abuse."  I'm reading posts there, which resonate with me.  Is there a way to move my question to that board?  Thank you!

[Blueberry]

You could ask Kizzie to move the post for you. An easy way of doing that is clicking Report to moderator in the bottom right hand corner of your post and telling her it belongs on a different board.