still stuck

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sanmagic7

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still stuck
« on: February 15, 2020, 06:34:34 AM »
my t has been gone nearly a month, and i won't get to see her until the middle of next month.  meanwhile, these triggers and intrusive thoughts just keep coming.  i'll wake up and my npd D's name will be flashing across my brain, or i'll be lying there, thinking of my fingernails and suddenly i'm remembering something about problems my ex had w/ his.  i just start screaming at myself to STOP STOP STOP!!! and i have to get out of bed, start distracting myself to keep these things at bay.

i saw an interim t today, and, while she was very nice, very nurturing and kind and gentle, i came away feeling more raw, very small, like an ef, which i haven't felt in quite a while.  i am just working/struggling to make it thru a day and get to the next day.  that's my major goal now, make it thru today.  that's it.  everything else has pretty much gone by the wayside, except being able to get out and walk.  i thank god for that.  otherwise it's one screen or another, just to keep my mind from losing itself.

i'm afraid i'm too damaged for this to ever get fixed, but my spirit won't let me stop battling.  it's so exhausting, i'm so weary. 

just wanted to get this out here.  i haven't wanted to admit to how frustrated i really am, i don't think. 

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Blueberry

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Re: still stuck
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2020, 10:37:18 PM »
 :bighug: :bighug: I hear your pain. Just taking it day by day is enough for the moment. Just 24 hours or just 1 hour, whatever helps. ime the terribly painful phases bring a load of healing. :grouphug: We are here for you.