dealing with self hate toward vulnerable parts

Started by cynditk, February 18, 2020, 07:08:52 PM

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cynditk

Hi all,

I have fragile health. As a child/early adolescent I was sick a lot, which was treated as an inconvenience by my parents. I wasn;t really shamed for it, but I was abandoned and ignored emotionally when ill, and sometimes physically as well.

Now, I really hate my vulnerable parts and when my health issues flare, hate them as well. It makes it really difficult to do what I need to do to care for myself both physically and emotionally.

Anyone else experience this, and find ways on accepting their little vulnerable parts as it relates to health?

Hope67

Hi cynditk,
I read your post, and I found what you wrote to be very thought provoking.  I am still trying to get to know my various parts, and I am aware that I've not really communicated very much with them yet, but what I relate to in what you wrote, is that I feel sure there are vulnerable health-related parts, and I also think there are protective parts who maybe want to protect those parts, and therefore it could make it harder to self-care as a result of that.  (Apologies that I don't feel I'm making much sense in what I'm saying here - I'm finding it hard to articulate myself these couple of days - but I wanted to reply to you).  I do relate to what you said.

I felt sad when I heard you say about how you were abandoned and ignored emotionally when ill - and also sometimes physically as well.  I hope I don't seem intrusive in offering you a hug  :hug: - please only take that if it feels safe and acceptable to you - as I know you don't know me.

I hope you are able to care for yourself in some way.  Take care.
Hope  :)


Snowdrop

I'm sorry you went through that.

If it was me, I'd see if I could get to know those vulnerable parts, and also the part that hates them. Is there a role that they're playing? How old do they think you are? They might be stuck in the past, and not realise that you're an adult. Trying to be curious about them might help.

I've found Richard Schwartz and IFS (Internal Family Systems) to be of immense help with parts. It's worth searching YouTube for "IFS Schwartz" and "IFS Schwartz trauma".

Kizzie

My parents abandoned me too when I was ill Cynditk because they had NPD and my illness took attention away from them.

It's no wonder children of trauma develop negative associations about illness and then target ourselves. Just know you're not alone in this and maybe consider the fact that you are not at all responsible for this, you learned to respond in an unhealthy way like many of us.

One of our members wrote a blog article about her this if you want to have a look - https://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers?offset=1543767551651.

We can unlearn these responses through self-compassion, and care and support from others  :grouphug: