Setting boundaries with an NPD dad

[DingDingCrunch]

I'm working hard on becoming less codependent with my parents, who are bipolar/HPD and NPD respectively, and it's been very hard. I'm down to texting my Mom on Sundays and Wednesdays, with calls once a month, which has helped contain the crazymaking, and I tried texting Dad weekly, and suggested I schedule monthly calls with him. But, he told me in no uncertain terms that it would be far too awkward and forced if I'm only calling him out of obligation, and not to bother. He only wants me to reach out if I'm going to call him on a spontaneous, weekly or more often type of basis. He's not responded to my texts, and ignored the Christmas and birthday gifts I sent. As an only child, I know I am an adult now as someone in my twenties, but it has been so hard to set these boundaries and watch some of the chaos ensue. I've been sick with a concussion the last several months and have been less able to perform for my parents, which is probably very healthy in a sense, but it has led to so many clashes with my father where he is personally offended I am impaired, less available, and also less energetic or willing to pretend I'm excited when he says hurtful things or is not friendly to me. He can be very cold, dismissive, and frequently lashes out at me.

Do you have any advice when setting boundaries with parents with personality disorders? I feel like I can't win. I don't know if I should even try, so now we just haven't spoken in six weeks. When I talked to him at Christmas, he was so upset with me that he was walking silently by himself at the frozen river on Christmas Day (dramatic? misunderstood much?).

Maybe I just need to give it some time, lean on friends, and focus on building meaning in my own life. I have been so enmeshed with my parents that I still don't know what things I like sometimes, or what it is that I want to do. I guess this is what breaking free feels like.

[InTheQuiet]

Hey there. I'm new to the board, but just found this old post. How are you doing now? We have a similar starting point.