New Therapist

Started by Not Alone, January 28, 2020, 02:38:12 AM

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Not Alone

I have been seeing my therapist for individual therapy for 20 months. He is not in my insurance network so I have been paying 100%. Got a part time job to pay for therapy. Every time I thought about seeing someone who was in insurance network, the Littles freaked out with visions of going to a new therapist, who would end up hurting them. When I write that, it almost seems silly, but the depth and intensity of the fear is enormous.

About six weeks ago I fell apart in marriage therapy (different therapist). I already talked about it in another post, so won't go into details. The therapist showed compassion, understanding, calm and knowledge. Marriage therapist is in network, so I've been thinking about switching to having individual therapy with him.

Today talked to my T about the possibility of switching. He understood and was very supportive. (The two men know each other.) Next Monday I have my regular session and then a session (alone) with marriage therapist, to interview him about being my T.

I started today's session in tears. I am pretty sure I will be making the change. My T knows so much about me, has been such an anchor and support, has shown the Littles and myself such compassion and acceptance. It is really hard to do this, but I think in the long run, it is a wise decision. When I talked to T today, I said that I think I will be doing this (therapy) for quite awhile. He affirmed that. If we were talking about months, it would be different, but reality is, we are probably talking about years. Financially, I could have three sessions with marriage therapist for the same amount of money that I pay out of pocket for one session with current therapist.

For those who have followed my other post regarding therapist issues, I wanted to have my relationship with my therapist resolved/healed before I switched. The issue is resolved. Any lingering hurt regarding that, I believe connects with past pain.

If things go as I anticipate, I will see my T two more times. I will also see "new" therapist those two weeks.

This is so hard and painful, but I believe it is a wise decision.

Snowdrop

#1
The Littles freaking out doesn't sound silly. I hope that they feel more settled about you switching to your marriage T because they already know him, and have hopefully learned that they can trust him.

I understand it being hard and painful. It sounds like a practical decision though, and I hope it goes well next Monday. Please know that I support you, whatever you decide to do. :hug:

Hope67

Hi Notalone,
I also wish you all the best for Monday.  I also support you, and all your littles too - sending you all a supportive hug, if that's ok  :hug:
Hope  :)

sanmagic7

hey, notalone,

it sounds like you've thought this thru from a lot of different angles, and i think that's a good thing.

will there be any conflict w/ the marriage t being your personal t as well?  i know that a lot of couples want to keep that separate because someone is afraid the t will take sides.  this may be something for you and your spouse to discuss, maybe w/ the marriage t, as well.  i'm not trying to discourage you at all, just checking all the boxes (and maybe you've already done that, so ignore what i said, ok?)

changing t's can be difficult, scary, all those things, but it sounds like you're doing everything that needs to be done to make sure the transition goes as smoothly as possible.  best to you with it.  sending love and a hug filled w/ support :hug:

Bach

Much love to you and the Littles, notalone  :grouphug: It's undeniably scary to stop seeing a therapist with whom you have established trust and who makes you feel cared about, no matter how good a reason you have to leave.  At the same time, you've been concerned about the insurance issue and the cost of your sessions for a while.  If you decide to go with the in-network therapist, hopefully, the alleviation of those financial anxieties will ease the transition. 

Not Alone

Snowdrop, Hope, and San,
Thanks for your support and hugs. It means a lot to me. This is really hard and I anticipate that to be true for awhile.

San, appreciate your thoughts and I did think about that and discuss it in marriage therapy last week. Both husband and marriage T are okay with therapist being marriage and my individual. I have concerns about it. We started with T-1 in marriage therapy and then after a few months I also saw him individually, and then only individual and marriage therapy ended. Then we went to T-2 for marriage. Now I want to see T-2 also for individual. Because of that, I don't want to ask H to do marriage with someone else. The reason the Littles are not completely freaked out over switching is because they have some experience with T-2's kindness and understanding, so don't want to try someone totally unknown.

Not Alone

Thanks, Bach. Appreciate your understanding and support.

sanmagic7

i get it, notalone - changing t's is difficult enough.  i think it's great that it's all been talked about - the next step is just to see if it'll work out for everyone.  here's hoping it does!  i think you've done a great job with this situation.  love and hugs :hug:

Not Alone

Today I interviewed T-2 about being my individual therapist (he is our marriage therapist). It went okay. I don't feel like  :woohoo:. I have some concerns. He is trained/skilled in IFS therapy. I (and the Littles) have fears that the Littles will be left out, ignored, not cared for. I don't want to go into details of the questions and answers. I did tell him that I was afraid of that. He said others that he has worked with have not felt that way, they've felt care and compassion. I don't know. Bottom line: I'm not imprisoned. If I give it a fair chance and it doesn't work out, I can go back to T-1 or try someone else. I HAVE CHOICE.

I am feeling really sad about leaving T-1. I have one more session with him to say good-bye. I also am really scared and at moments terrified. He has been my anchor for 20 months and now I won't have him any more. I keep reminding myself that I can go back if I need to.  :'( :'( :'(

Tomorrow I have marriage therapy with T-2, which feels strange.

sanmagic7

here's to choice!  :cheer: i think that may be one of our greatest strengths, to realize that we're not trapped and know that we can choose differently if need be.  i do hope it goes well for you (i get it about it feeling a little strange now w/ T2) and that the transition is as smooth as possible.  keep the faith!  love and hugs, notalone :hug:

Snowdrop

You absolutely have a choice.

Would it feel better if you thought of the next few weeks with T-2 as just being a trial? It kind of is, because you can go back to T-1 whenever you like. I just wondered if framing it as a trial in your thoughts might make it less scary and easier to deal with. :hug: