Triggered when I try self-care

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marta1234

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Triggered when I try self-care
« on: February 23, 2020, 09:52:29 PM »
Hi, yesterday and today I tried to do some "self-care" stuff. I intentionally told myself that I can do whatever I want that makes me feel calmer and better, like reading, watching videos, coloring. The thing is, that after 10 min or so, I get triggered, and then it takes me a while to "calm down". It's frustrating because I am trying to help myself, curl up in a blanket with my toys and read, but after some minutes I get triggered and feel so much worse than I started, like angry, tired, etc.
I just want to know if someone knows why this is happening to me, and what can I do to help, because I'm trying to soothe my inner self but I can't in the end.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2020, 08:19:10 PM by marta1234 »

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Blueberry

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Re: Triggered when I try self-care
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2020, 09:59:29 PM »
The only thing that occurs to me is that 10 minutes of some activity might be too long? Or what you have chosen to do is not what you really want to do, deep within your soul.

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marta1234

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Re: Triggered when I try self-care
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2020, 12:20:24 AM »
Thanks for your reply, Blueberry. I never thought of it that way, I just assumed that everyone wants self care. I guess I triggered myself because I was forcing myself to do those things. The thing is, though, when I try to think of what I would want to do, like future plans, then I trigger myself again because it just reminds me of the questions that I always get asked from relatives and people.

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Blueberry

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Re: Triggered when I try self-care
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2020, 07:07:23 PM »
marta, cptsd is a tricky beast. I actually still have a lot of trouble with self-care. For me also forcing myself to do things is very triggering and very tiring. It occasionally works in the short-term for me but never in the medium to long-term. I guess it's easy to read whatever all else other people are doing on here to recover and thinking you ought to be doing that too whereas that's not necessarily the case at all, which a number of other mbrs on here have just reminded me!

Self-care could just be coming on to OOTS to read around or wave 'Hi' to someone  :heythere: Or accepting (or trying too) that more obvious forms of self-care are difficult for you atm.

I wish you well in healing and the ability to go at your own pace :hug:

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owl25

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Re: Triggered when I try self-care
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2020, 03:59:15 PM »
I'm not sure if this is similar but it reminded me of a little while ago when I was trying to practice breathing to help soothe myself. I would find that after about 10 minutes as well fear would start to surface and I would get anxious or feel panic. It was explained to me that when we relax our bodies, this creates space for other feelings that we are carrying under the surface. So maybe your activities were calming and soothing, and because a more relaxed body opens us up to our feelings, maybe some part of you became afraid of those feelings. It is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be fearful of relaxation. Being in our bodies and being present can feel very unsafe.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense or is helpful, but thought I'd share it for what it's worth.

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Jazzy

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Re: Triggered when I try self-care
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2020, 09:04:14 PM »
I think a big part of it, is that in the past, we were forbidden from practicing self care, and we always had to care for someone else instead. A life time of that behaviour can cause a lot of problems when we do try some things for ourselves. It can be tough, but we have to (re)learn, that it is okay to take care of us.

I also agree with what the others have said. Maybe 10 minutes is too long for you right now, and that's okay. Maybe some other/new things will help you feel better. Maybe this is something you just need to work through. Regardless, I hope things improve for you soon!