Parent who used Islam to abuse

[holidayay]

There doesn't seem to be much here on this topic, so here goes.

My mum's insane methods of control and bullying included using her faith (Islam) to torture my psychologically and emotionally. She bullied me relentlessly about wearing the hijab starting from age 10. I really DID NOT WANT TO.
I have lost count of the amounts of times she had threatened and called me derogatory terms used to describe females who are sexually liberal - you get my drift.

She has delusions of grandeur when it comes to being associated with God.

There's so much...but I am so tired...this is all i can manage for today.

Suffice to say, I can't bear being around the religion these days - its too traumatising.

[Kizzie]

Nothing adds power to abuse quite like invoking whatever deity/religion/cult an abuser draws on  - Christianity, Islam, cults...   

My NM wasn't religious per se but her 'religion' was that of "good mother" and she would invoke that to FOG my B and I (incite fear, obligation and guilt), and wield power over us.

My point is those w/NPD use these strategies because they work and for many of us it becomes necessary to step away, not necessarily from religion if it's important to us, but from the person(s) using it as a source of power.

[Bermuda]

You are not alone. For me it was another religion, possibly the same names. Shaming is a strange thing. It's almost always a projection, and many religions thrive on a cycle of shame and remorse. We are not shameful. You are not shameful.

[woodsgnome]

I had nearly 20 years of this sort of experience, mostly from religious schools where the abuse was rampant but also expertly hidden using the religious motif as a shield.

While I've never fully recovered from the destruction to my being, it seems that if nothing else I did learn to discern what they were up to. In the process I realized (if much too late) that they weren't being at all true to what they said they were about -- all their holiness was geared solely to protecting their own failures as human beings.

What has surprised me, though, is the strong undercurrent or 'pull' of my own towards the deeper core of some parts of religion/spirituality -- once past the initial damage, severe as it was.

I've found some rich and meaningful parts, surprising myself in the process. I learned that the original gang of holy fakes bear no resemblance to those who choose not to hide behind their thinly disguised motives (but hard to discern in 'real time' when the abuse happens).

While still bitter about the early experiences, I somehow  survived well enough to have discovered many other approaches stemming from various approaches that don't feature rampant abuse. Granted, these elements can be hard to come by; all I know is they're there, and bear no resemblance to what many abusers hide behind.

So, painful as things were, there may be other ways that ring true to the most important element of all spirituality -- how it resonates in one's heart. Unfortunately, this does little to rid one of previous abuses.

May you find a way forward