I have become sexually dysfunctional, with no sexual arousal during sex. I said I don’t understand what sex means as an adult. Sexual intimacy has elicited extreme humiliation to me all over again. I have the tendency to feel forced during sex, resembling my past rapes, which the inclination was solidly programmed by my past abusers. I can’t seem to be natural.
I have been regressed into a childlike state in my adult body, due to chronic ritual abuse. I was crawling across the floor and basically being intellectually disabled. The developmental trauma has led me looking even more vulnerable, that is beyond my control. It seems like my presentation was a reflection of a need, a need to fulfill an unfulfilled past, for my entire life has been wrecked completely by my perpetrators.