Anniversaries

[Sandals]

Today marks 1 year since I discovered my now-ex was cheating on me. It's been a whirlwind and agonizingly long at the same time.

How do you deal with anniversaries like this? I want to call it a "bad" anniversary, but perhaps if I look at it as a freeing one it will help. Freeing, as in kicking off a long process of self-discovery.

[Bluevermonter]

I am doing my best to attach no significance to anniversaries and holidays.  I spent this past Christmas and Easter alone because I needed to survive those holidays on my own.  My first holidays alone since my cptsd ex walked out.

You are wise to seek solutions to how to deal w anniversaries.  My ex was reluctant to celebrate Xmas because her first husband asked for a divorce at that time of year.  Didn't like to open presents because her mom (who caused her cptsd) did something with packages that caused trauma (I have no idea what that was).

But divorce was over 30 years ago.  He was second principal cause of her cptsd. She would get depressed as I suppose she was reliving that trauma.  I celebrated anyway and invited her to participate.  Sometimes she would come around, but not often.  If presents from other people showed up wrapped, she asked me unwrap them and I would.

My birthday is around thanksgiving and we stayed home and ate ate ate.  She enjoyed it immensely.  Now that she probably hates me, I can only wonder how she will cope w that holiday as she did such a lousy job coping w Christmas.

I spent this last thanksgiving w my sister and her family.  She and I shared cooking responsibilities, I helped my 11-year old nephew bake pumpkin pie, played video games w other nephew,  and never felt sad.

I know it was important for me to stay in the present and I am determined not to put special significance on her birthday, day we met etc.  in re Xmas, My ex apparently clung to her traumatic past and could not move forward.

[Widdiful Falling]

I have a lot of trouble with anniversaries. My dad left when I was 9, and this year was the first time I didn't write that date and immediately have a flashback. On Christmas, I went to my MIL's family gathering. The kids were opening presents joyfully, and I had to run upstairs to the bathroom to panic and sob for a few minutes. When summer transitions into fall, I get really edgy because that was the time of year my M packed up my family and left without a word.

I just try to stay out of everyone's way, and not ruin their good times during anniversaries.