Problems with geoulousy and trust after 33 years

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Buttonphobic

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Problems with geoulousy and trust after 33 years
« on: December 18, 2019, 08:58:09 PM »
I've been married 33 years and earlier this year my wife told me she didn't love me in a romantic way and that what I had become (I had been depressed for approx 3 years) was not attractive. It hit me like a bolt out the blue. It came after a period which seemed  to follow a mid life crises pattern and grew apart. She also explained how she valued her alone time and a longing to explore the world...on her own.
I thought I had an epithany as after two days of sobbing my determination to win back my former relationship with her seemed to kill off my depression and give me a new sense of purpose.
Now having had my first few counselling sessions for childhood developed CPTSD (physical abuse and abandonment courtesy of my mum), I think the change was a result of an enormous flash back relating to abandonment and lack of trust with female relationships.
We now do a lot more together including grand parent time! She seems to like being around me again but I hankerafter the past. The days when she found it easy to say how much she loved me. It feels like I'm in love but whilst she loves me she's not in love. Am I in a relationship that's no good for me and my CPTSD. Our relationship has always been based on me the giver and her the taker when it comes to physical contact, but now that eats away at me....I feel a needy creep but I just want her to tell me how much she loves me or approach me with a long hug or even just to touch me! By the way my increased 'in loveness seems to have heightened my geoulous/trust triggers. So I'm probably going to sabotage things any way.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Problems with geoulousy and trust after 33 years
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2019, 12:03:44 AM »
hey, button,

any kind of chronic illness, mental or physical, can definitely take a toll on a relationship.  having been in one for 33 yrs. makes it difficult indeed to hear what you heard from your wife.

are you in a relationship that's no good for you and your c-ptsd?  does it make you happy?  fulfilled?  do you have a therapist?  that might be someone to explore this with in greater detail. 

 here's a hug filled with support and compassion. :hug:  please take care of yourself as best you can, ok?

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Buttonphobic

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Re: Problems with geoulousy and trust after 33 years
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2019, 08:00:39 AM »
Awww thanks Sanmagic reading your message has set me up well for the day ahead. I very nearly confronted my wife last nigh. So glad I decided not to. will leave the big question to my therapist as you say. Thanks again

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sanmagic7

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Re: Problems with geoulousy and trust after 33 years
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2019, 04:48:07 PM »
you're so very welcome, bp.  i'm just glad it helped.  this relationship stuff can be tricky at best when we're dealing with such huge issues.  good luck w/ your t - i hope you get some healthy insight and realizations there.  sending love and a hug filled w/ clarity. :hug: