First F2F Counselor

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #30 on: May 29, 2015, 04:05:18 AM »
The echo in this thread is astounding

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Kizzie

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #31 on: June 11, 2015, 08:47:35 PM »
I wonder if not being happy with a particular T is a sign of progress? I just posted something in another thread about not always knowing what I wanted or needed in the past, but knowing more the more I recover.  And I hear in your posts that you do need and want more than what you have been getting. 

I worked with a T who was experienced with trauma, PTSD in particular and I made progress but at the same time I didn't feel like he really got the complexity of CPTSD.  We moved so now I am looking for another T and this time I will keep looking until I find someone who "feels just right" as Goldilocks said  ;D   I trust my gut and I don't have money or time to waste.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2015, 05:54:38 PM by Kizzie »

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #32 on: June 22, 2015, 01:33:54 AM »
I hope you have found a new T. I found another one and have seen her once but she seems to be very in tune with what I need. She even called me out on a dissociative episode. Not in a bad way, but until now no one has mentioned noticing that I go on a mental journey while talking to them. I didn't even know I was doing it and she asked me "are you still with me?" It kind of caught me off guard, I said "yes" she said "are you sure?" and I said "yes", but I wasn't there at all. It was like pulling myself back in the moment and my "self" and I didn't want to come. I stood up, adjusted my seating and we continued talking. She asked what I was thinking about and I told her I had no idea what she had been talking about for the past few minutes. She said "I thought so." No one has ever called me out on this, and I know I do it. But I thought it was only something I recognized, afterwards, and that there was no physical clue as to my mental traveling that would draw attention to it. I guess we will see how this one turns out. I'm not going to offer all the info I did with the other T. Just answer her questions is the plan :)

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #33 on: June 25, 2015, 03:07:59 AM »
Part of me wants to trust this counselor, but at a distance. How much do you have to trust to have a therapeutic relationship? My track record with counselors is not very good. I really wonder if any of them can be trusted to guide you in a healing direction.

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Kizzie

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #34 on: June 25, 2015, 04:42:56 PM »
The whole trust thing is problematic I know.  When I read Pete Walker's book the thing that jumped right out at me was that he is so on the side of his patients, and that he wants an authentic and genuine connection with them, a relationship that is healing.  That's what I want for me.  Someone who I feel in my gut will do that for me. 

The T you found sounds like she is able to see what you are doing and willing to talk with you about it so imo that speaks to her professional ability (i.e., I think I would feel more trust in a T who saw that I was dissociating even though it was subtle), and respect for you (i.e., that she did address it with you says to me that she feels you can handle things).

I don't think giving complete trust to anyone right away is a good idea so I'm with you about not giving out a lot of info at least at first.  See how it goes as you say.

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #35 on: June 25, 2015, 04:57:57 PM »
Thanks Kizzie, to early to really get excited about finding the right T, almost to the point of staying isolated and withdrawn as opposed to keep going through this over and over again with T's. It's safer to just go it alone and just live with animals.

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #36 on: July 04, 2015, 04:23:41 AM »
Is it necessary to turn over every stone in your emotional creek to get through CPTSD? Can't you just move a few of the obstructing stones so that the flow of life will follow through?

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #37 on: July 24, 2015, 03:29:52 AM »
My T is reading my Pete Walker book, pretty cool , huh? Impressive that she wants to learn more about C-PTSD for my treatment and those that follow.

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Cuthberta

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #38 on: August 06, 2015, 09:55:51 AM »
Is it necessary to turn over every stone in your emotional creek to get through CPTSD? Can't you just move a few of the obstructing stones so that the flow of life will follow through?

Hi.

I concluded long ago (5 years?) that having the wrong therapist is far worse than not having one at all. They have the potential to cause the most immense harm; dredging up all sorts of stuff that has laid quietly for decades, stirring our emotions into turmoil, and then telling us the session/group of sessions is over; goodbye.

I used to see one Dr privately (I spent my savings with him) who always said, 'Good luck!' at the end of appointments. I thought then, what on earth is that all about? If it is down to luck why am I paying this man huge money to listen for 50 minutes, offer no help and then say good luck. He completely missed my CPTSD and DID. He said it was depression; it was far more than that.

I kept trying for 15 years, but I leave well alone now. If there is a way I can find to function less strangely in the world then I will follow it, but I don't think I will try therapists again. I am always left with the distinct impression that I am there to justify their job, so that they get paid. They get a profession, a salary and a sense of achievement. I only get plunged into intolerable turmoil for weeks and weeks, without support.

I don't know if that will help or not; I think healing comes from finding a way to move forward in life, rather than in trying to reconcile everything from the past. Others may have different experiences, and I am very happy for them if that is the case.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2015, 09:58:57 AM by Cuthberta »

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #39 on: August 06, 2015, 05:10:51 PM »
Hello Cuthberta and thanks for the response. I agree with you on a lot of what you said. It's been no secret that I have issues with counselors. Eerks my very core to think I have to pay someone to listen to me and I walk out not knowing anymore than when I walked in, but I'm giving it a try anyway. This T seems more in tune with trauma and PTSD, and she's making an effort to learn more about CPTSD by reading the Pete Walker book I had. That says a lot for her in my opinion. She's trying to learn more about to help me and others that follow me. To me a T is not there to "fix" me, I know that a lot of what has to be done has to be done by me. After all who knows me better than me? So if she can direct me to the right tools, and maybe a different way of thinking, that can assist me I am all for it. This is all new to me, within the past two years, and so there's a lot about it I don't understand right now. I'm determined to not be in counseling a lifetime or stay on antidepressants for any longer than needed. I had a happy life without them before and I should be able to find that place again.
The truly main Key to getting better though is finding that right T and that can be costly and frustrating. Depending where you live that could limit your resources in finding that T as well. I guess we will have to keep plugging along to find those answers.

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Cuthberta

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #40 on: August 07, 2015, 07:30:25 AM »
I agree of course that we have to do the fixing ourselves. I think of it as asking directions, though. If I go into a session, spend 50 minutes in intense pain and then come out no wiser about what direction to follow next then I question the validity of the therapy.

I could alternatively spend a happy hour or so with a friend over coffee, and along the way find a little gem of an idea from her; a random thought or comment that will resonate, and which will give me a real sense of how to proceed. I think it is about being aware, and listening for such comments. They can appear at random;  in a book, on the radio, with a friend or even by sitting down, making a list and thinking about priorities.

There is a mystique about therapy, as if it actually offers answers. After all this time I am very doubtful that this is the case; I think it offers an opportunity for introspection for those who are not used to doing it. For those of us who are very well able to introspect, I am not sure therapy per se adds any value. I think it is the therapist him or herself who adds the value, where it occurs; some people are very gifted in interpersonal matters, and I think it is this gift that achieves anything of note.

However, as I said, others may have different experiences.

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Dyess

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #41 on: August 07, 2015, 08:36:28 AM »
I think therapy is unique to the person. We all go in with different situations and we spill all this past, present drama on some poor unsuspecting T to sort out. Actually I'm surprised they can do as well as they do. I have researched some topics of my own and it leads to two or three other topics, and I haven't found the answers to the first topic. So expecting them to know exactly what I need is a little unfair to ask for. My problems started in childhood many, many years ago. They are not going to be resolved quickly or by any magic word. Though I do feel that in talking with the T that I will have an Ah Ha moment at some point,  and be able to return to some what of a life that I had before. If I truly felt it was a waste of time and money.....I would discontinue the sessions. But for me, it's worth trying, if this makes my life better on any level it will all be worth it.

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Dutch Uncle

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #42 on: August 07, 2015, 09:13:44 AM »
I could alternatively spend a happy hour or so with a friend over coffee, and along the way find a little gem of an idea from her; a random thought or comment that will resonate, and which will give me a real sense of how to proceed. I think it is about being aware, and listening for such comments. They can appear at random;  in a book, on the radio, with a friend or even by sitting down, making a list and thinking about priorities.

 :thumbup:

In fact during my time with the team that tried to diagnose me (at first if I had an Anxiety disorder, but soon switched to tackling my fear if I had a PD (which I don't, so they did a great job, Thanks Team  :thumbup: )), the question came up a couple of times. "What is is you want/expect, Mr. Uncle? Why have you come here?" they asked. And at times they replied to my 'wants' with: But what is it we can offer that your friends cannot offer? This seems like you 'just' want to have a nice talk, get it all of your chest. We're all in for that, but your insurance won't pay for that."

So I have been 'discharged' from the 'anxiety-ward' so to speak, and am investigating what I'd want to do in a 'private' therapy. I still think it would be good to do so, for as helpful and understanding my fiends have been, my background with my FOO, and my continued enmeshment with them (although greatly reduced by now: One NC, three LC's, coping Medium Chill with them) at times lead to a lack of understanding. Obviously, as I hardly understand it myself.

But what I actually want to say here is: I so relate to what you've just said. These gems pop up out of nowhere, and everywhere. Friends, acquaintances, a stranger in a pub or at a festival. Movies, music, TV shows, books. Sometimes even just overhearing a conversation in a queue at the bakery.


PS: I'd like to take the opportunity to say "Welcome!" to you. Great to have you aboard, Cuthberta. All of you.  :wave:

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Cuthberta

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #43 on: August 07, 2015, 01:45:29 PM »
In fact during my time with the team that tried to diagnose me (at first if I had an Anxiety disorder, but soon switched to tackling my fear if I had a PD (which I don't, so they did a great job, Thanks Team  :thumbup: )), the question came up a couple of times. "What is is you want/expect, Mr. Uncle? Why have you come here?" they asked. And at times they replied to my 'wants' with: But what is it we can offer that your friends cannot offer? This seems like you 'just' want to have a nice talk, get it all of your chest. We're all in for that, but your insurance won't pay for that."

I always find that frustrating. If you knew what you needed to recover I have no doubt you would have gone out and made, bought, acquired somehow, the means to do it. Do they think we just sit around waiting for help?

You don't get a car mechanic saying, well, what exactly do you want us to do? You just want them to sort out the car so that it works sufficiently well to get you from a to b!

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So I have been 'discharged' from the 'anxiety-ward' so to speak, and am investigating what I'd want to do in a 'private' therapy. I still think it would be good to do so, for as helpful and understanding my fiends have been, my background with my FOO, and my continued enmeshment with them (although greatly reduced by now: One NC, three LC's, coping Medium Chill with them) at times lead to a lack of understanding. Obviously, as I hardly understand it myself.

Yes, not just any old friend will do. The right kind is very rare. Otoh, a little goes a very long way, so when you find the right person you wouldn't need to see them every week, or even every month. Just to know they are there would be enough, imo.

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But what I actually want to say here is: I so relate to what you've just said. These gems pop up out of nowhere, and everywhere. Friends, acquaintances, a stranger in a pub or at a festival. Movies, music, TV shows, books. Sometimes even just overhearing a conversation in a queue at the bakery.

Yes, it is about being aware; of looking for what may help. Finding a way forward.

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PS: I'd like to take the opportunity to say "Welcome!" to you. Great to have you aboard, Cuthberta. All of you.  :wave:

Thank you. You won't hear the little voices very often, but they listen and watch.  :hug:

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Dutch Uncle

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Re: First F2F Counselor
« Reply #44 on: August 07, 2015, 02:01:18 PM »
You don't get a car mechanic saying, well, what exactly do you want us to do? You just want them to sort out the car so that it works sufficiently well to get you from a to b!
Excellent and valid point.  :thumbup:

Though when you go to a mechanic/garage, they will ask you: what's the problem? Does it not start? Does it not break? Will it not accelerate properly?

I'm sure there are plenty of mechanics who will turn your car inside out no matter what, and present you with the bill afterwards. Inventing some (expensive) fault in your car to 'back up' the huge bill. I have respect for these 'mechanics' that they didn't lure me in that trap.

But the whole event has been somewhat frustrating, as I've come no 'further'. But I'm very confident the 'mechanics' did check out  thoroughly what could have caused the 'troubles' I HAVE reported, and have said: "We can't fix this, and we even don't see anything wrong. It's just the model you are driving, sir. It's not a Porsche! Don't expect it to be one."  ;)

I guess I just have to learn to drive my 4x4, and get it of the highway.  ;D

Edited to add: I might even get quicker from a to b that way. I won't need to take the 100 mile highway-detour. (just a wish  ;) )
« Last Edit: August 07, 2015, 02:09:05 PM by Dutch Uncle »