Feeling constantly watched and judged

[brightlight]

I feel constantly as if everyone is watching me all the time and judging what I'm doing and saying and criticising me for it. I feel nothing I do is right or good enough.

I know this is completely paranoid but if I catch someone looking at me I feel threatened and wonder what it is that they are looking at. I consider myself a nice friendly person, so reacting like this is not me, this is not my character. However I can't control this.

I used to as a very young child feel free to the extent I didn't care if someone looked at me. This all started to develop early adolescence and has in a way never healed and even gotten worse.

Can anyone else relate? 

[Sceal]

i can relate to paranoid tendencies. for me it is different though, it is directly related to trauma from a cult.  it is getting better, mostly because i have dared to talk to a psych. nurse and my GP about it. and everytime i say it outloud i hear how stupid and silly it sounds that the cult are still keeping me under surveilance, even after 4 years.  there is still a part of me who cant let go of the possibilities of it and i end up checking cars and checking the area surrounding my car before i get out, or avoid alot of events and places where their people might be.... just incase. but the feeling of being watched is awful. it is so stressful and it really takes a toll on you.
i hope you will dare to talk about it, and maybe try to figure out where your paranoia comes from.

[brightlight]

Sorry to hear you went through this Sceal  I hope you can work through this as it is awful feeling like your being watched.

I feel paranoid that if I write something even on the forum someone I know for instance my colleague will know what I have written or think everyone knows everything about me.

Step forward we know this is paranoia.

[Not Alone]

Based on what you said, it was very brave for you to post, so  .

[Alice-In-Wonderland]

A very wise psychiatrist told me years ago. "There IS someone watching and judging/criticizing everything you do....and that person is 'you'." He then suggested that I decide my own standards and illustrated that, as an example, there are extreme differences what is considered a 'clean house', and that I need to decide for myself what my own definition is. This shift in perspective did help me a lot at the time.

[suzannedamage]

Such a relief to hear others going through the same.  Thank you all for sharing, you've made me feel less isolated here in my brain!
Can't remember where it came from , I was once told that other peoples thoughts are not my buisness.  Took me a while to ponder on it but it does seem to help me now.  When my brain starts on its worry what others think ( all the time) I say that to myself.  The always needing to do the right thing then takes over and agrees, it's none of my buisness.  Doesn't work all the time,  hey ho, sometimes is better than never.
Good to meet you all, hope you are all keeping well and safe.

[alliematt]

You are definitely not the only person who feels that way.  The way I describe how I often feel is that someone's watching over my shoulder ready to say, "You missed a spot."

[Kizzie]

Many of us tend toward perfectionism and hypervigilance (pick me  ) because we had to turn the volume up on these to survive. I see it as a protective shield against being criticized and feeling small/vulnerable/stupid that helped when I was younger but then got stuck and became a problem as an adult.

I'm not a fan of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for CPTSD but I did an online course a few years back and it actually helped me challenge those thoughts about needing to be perfectionistic and whether people were actually judging me constantly.  Answers = "No, I don't need to be perfect in every way, it's ok (and actually healthy) not to be" and "No, most most people are not watching/judging me, they're too busy with their own lives". 

This doesn't mean there aren't people out there who will watch and judge, there are but knowing there are fewer of them then we tend to think free's up energy to spot them and steer clear or back them off.

[Snookiebookie2]

Bright light

Yes, I totally relate.  Many thanks for posting this, and thank you for all the replies.

I had two very critical parents (both with their own version of what perfect was), so I put this down to being the root cause.  I learned people-pleasing kept those criticisms at bay. That's now grown into perfectionism and an utter phobia of mistakes and be in the wrong.