Disclosure of MH

[brightlight]

I tend to keep my feelings (which are many and intense) to myself. I have disclosed my CPTSD diagnosis to a couple of people including work as I needed support. However I feel It'd hopefully be helpful to do this to an organsiation I'm a member of as difficulties have arose with my CPTSD. I feel more comfortable telling them I have PTSD rather than CPTSD as I feel shameful disclosing this. I feel like people will know my trauma, that it was mainly in childhood and I assume people wonder why are you not over it yet?

The whole complex nature of this disorder makes me sound damaged. This is what I worry about. I want to help myself and my situation but don't want to feel uncomfortable. 

[sanmagic7]

hey, b.l.,

i think if it's important for you to share part of what's going on with you, it's up to you and your comfort level.  i've seen many references here to 'relational trauma' as a way to explain c-ptsd.  i think it's just as accurate, and it doesn't necessarily point to childhood problems, per se.  relationships happen at any age.

this wounding that we've experienced is damaging, but damage doesn't necessarily mean non-fixable.  you're working on your issues, and that's what counts.  i think of c-ptsd as a beast that i'm hoping to be able to manage as if it's a small puppy.  i don't know that every symptom will disappear, but if i can get it down in size where i can consistently function, i'll be happy.

take care of yourself first, always, ok?  sending love and a hug filled with clarity (if you're comfortable with that).   

[Kizzie]

I'm with San in that IMO it's up to you when and with whom you disclose, how much, etc.  Not everyone knows about relational trauma and unfortunately there will be those who do ask why you haven't "gotten over it" if it was in childhood. If you're ok with that kind of question, great.  If not, it might be best to pick and choose who you tell.

[Rainagain]

How much you disclose is a difficult choice.

I tend to be cautious, and I use PTSD not cptsd as most people have some idea what PTSD is, even if they are wrong.

For me the only benefit of disclosure is that I have then tried to give people the tools to understand, but it is easier to just let people form their own views about me, they will simply do that whatever I say, so i mostly dont bother to explain much at all.

I would go with what feels more comfortable for you and try not to expect too much from it if you do explain.

[brightlight]

I wrote an email and explained I was having some difficulty participating in my exercise classes due to my health. I explained I had PTSD, depression and anxiety. I didn't say CPTSD as I feel this is too personal and too much information. I just want to make things easier for me to participate and most people know what PTSD.

I gave a couple of examples of what I found difficult and for one of them made a suggestion of what would make things easier for me. One of the coaches said she'd feed this back to the other coaches with my permission and make them aware of my struggles. She suggested a facebook group for others with MH problems too and that I can chat to her at practice about the above.

I hope this will help. I've done all I can. I don't want to give up on this as I enjoy it. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from others though it's like I'm not there and I go home upset. I still want to try. At the end of the day no one knows how you are feeling and what demons you are dealing with.

I'm a bit worried/nervous about seeing this coach as I don't know her very well and often don't recognise people once I have met them. She is the contact person for our organisation and thought best/easiest person to approach due to this.

Thank you for all your replies, it really helps me not to feel alone.

   

[Kizzie]

....one of them made a suggestion of what would make things easier for me. One of the coaches said she'd feed this back to the other coaches with my permission and make them aware of my struggles. She suggested a facebook group for others with MH problems too and that I can chat to her at practice about the above.

Wow Brightlight that's a good outcome for you and others    I hope it helps with the class. 

[Rainagain]

That sounds positive, I hope it works out well for you.

I was struck by your comment that you sometimes don't remember having met people, that happens to me often and can be quite embarrassing.

I try not to appear wierd, things like that give me away.....

I dont think I've seen it mentioned on this forum before, I bet others have this happen to them too.

[brightlight]

Hi Rainagain, I'm glad you mentioned this happens to you as well. I wasn't sure if this was just 'me' It actually happened in this club where I disclosed my MH. The coach was introducing herself and others introduced themselves and I did and she said 'We've already met' I have absolutely no recollection of this. I just said 'oh' and moved on as this happens to me a lot. I don't like forgetting I've met people before as I feel it makes me seem 'disabled' if that makes sense.

I have mild dyslexia as well and there has been some small research into this being trauma related in some instances. Trauma disturbs your learning.

I would be interested to know if others forget meeting people and about possible trauma related dyslexia. Others may have this and not know about it or it could be part of CPTSD?

[Kizzie]

I don't have dyslexia BrightLight but I do have memory issues.  I've forgotten meeting people or even events I've been a part of.  I do put it down to trauma, being dissociated a lot of the time and having a 'swiss cheese memory' (lot of holes) as a result. 

There's some info about trauma and memory  here - https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=10108.0.

[brightlight]

I am so glad this is not just me Kizzie and now I know there are at least three of us! That makes me hungry though 'swiss cheese memory' I like the connotations but I'd crave cheese all the time   

I suppose it can't be nice to feel someone has 'forgotten' having met you but tbh I focus so much on the situation or environment I'm in to think too much about it.

I also forget huge chunks of (few) holidays (but usually when I'm depressed) I know its common to forget words when people are stressed generally. If you are talking and want to say 'desk' but forget what its called. I have this happen to me but I have seen it happen with others, so I can relate.

Thanks for the link Kizzie, I'll check it out.