Emotional physical pain?

[marta1234]

Hi, I've been wanting to know if someone has felt the same as I have.
Starting from yesterday, my body has been physically hurting so badly: my brain hurts and my muscles ache a lot. I kind of am freaking out inside because I don't know what's wrong with me.
I've people talk about "emotional physical pain", and I think I've had it, like pain in my stomach. But right now this is too much, it's like my body is in a flare up. Everything hurts.
I just wanted to know if anyone has any advice of what's happening (at this moment doing my own research is just too much).

[Snookiebookie2]

I'm a big believer in mental/emotional healrh being linked with physical health. If you're feeling down/sad/unhappy it can affect you physically.

I think it can make you more susceptible to infection, and I am sure there is evidence to say it can cause inflammation.

One of the things to consider, and something that I experience is body armouring. Because of the hypervigilance my muscles are constantly tense - almost like a protective armour against perceived attacks.  This has left me exhausted and extremely sore.  I find it difficult to concentrate too.

So, yes  I relate to what you're describing.

[Kizzie]

Trauma is linked to a number of different conditions/illnesses/diseases unfortunately, one of which is inflammation (https://www.outofthestorm.website/academic-articles/). I often have the same thing when I am triggered/under a lot of emotional stress - big time muscle/body aches as though I have the flu. 

Some things that help me: hot showers/baths, rest/sleep, lots of fluids to wash the toxins out, pain relief and reducing stress as much as possible. 

Hope this helps 

[marta1234]

Thank you Snookie and Kizzie for your replies, I've just been so out of it that trying to find the answers myself was too much.
Thank you for your recommendations Kizzie, I had no idea that inflammation could be a symptom of emotional distress. 

[Blueberry]

I get a lot of flare ups like that too, marta, so you're not alone. I know when I get tonsillitis - fairly frequently - there's a cptsd component to it too. Though sometimes I forget.

Here's a hopefully pain-reducing hug for us both 

[marta1234]

Thank you Blueberry, a hug for you too so you can get better
I just realized that feeling ill or feeling physically worse is very triggering for me, so I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I felt trapped again and unable to get better.

Thank you all for your kind words. I hadn't really discovered the physical symptoms parts of this forum because I just want to avoid that, but I guess I'll check it out to know more about it.

[Kizzie]

I just realized that feeling ill or feeling physically worse is very triggering for me, so I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I felt trapped again and unable to get better.

Those of us who developed CPTSD in childhood are unlikely to have had nurturing, caring parents when we were ill so it's no wonder we're triggered by any health problems/issues. It's a time when children really need others to care/help for them, but instead parents respond in an abusive/negative way or simply neglect/dismiss the child.

Mine had/have NPD and illnesses bought my M attention, my F basically ignored them.  I learned not to fuss, ignore, not acknowledge health problems, much to my detriment unfortunately. Nowadays I give myself the gift of regular checkups, medical and dental, and I don't ignore any potential issues like I used to. All good   

[Blueberry]

Hi, I've been wanting to know if someone has felt the same as I have.
Starting from yesterday, my body has been physically hurting so badly: my brain hurts and my muscles ache a lot. I kind of am freaking out inside because I don't know what's wrong with me.
I've people talk about "emotional physical pain", and I think I've had it, ... Everything hurts.
...

My body hurts all over at the moment too, though it's low-level pain. But a couple of hours ago I was thinking I should maybe get it checked out by a doctor, but unfortunately I no longer have a doctor (a GP) who really understands my emotional-physical health, the correlation. It's probably 'just' severe armouring but then I come up with bizarre ideas (influenced by FOO's unqualified finger-shaking "Watch it! You're going to get xyz physical health problem if you do abc" in my childhood and later). So I get 'hypochondric' tho I'm not quite sure that it's hypochondria, I think it's more I go into an Inner Child and can't access any knowledgeable Adult information, and the Inner Child is still influenced by and frightened of FOO and FOO's predictions about health and FOO's prejudice against the medical field and doctors.

Probably all my pain is muscular, but then I think even my bones are aching so I probably have cancer in my bones. Which is probably a totally ridiculous idea though at this precise moment I have absolutely no idea whether it's impossible or not. FOO would get angry or maybe they'd just ridicule me (or would have / did do so in my childhood / teens on other topics) for being so 'gullible' as to think the pain could herald a serious problem like cancer. But actually I'm not being gullible and nor was I in my childhood / teens. FOO has a lot to answer for, like about the way I suddenly have 'no idea', some of the 'irrational' fears I get and my inability to sort out what could be true or not. Particularly the latter, which is not surprising considering the amount of gaslighting FOO did to me from a young age.

I don't think you've been around for a while or are likely to read this marta but I don't want to start a new thread. Others may read it and discussion may take place again, new experiences may come up, the way they are for me rn as I write.

[NarcKiddo]

I think this is a very interesting topic.

My mother would forbid pretty much everything on the basis that taking any sort of risk might result in a terrible health calamity. (Subtext: and then I am going to be mightily inconvenienced by having to take you to the doctor which is a hateful chore and I resent it hugely, and I already have to take you to the doctor enough because you dare to have bad eyes and bad teeth  )

I compulsively check Dr Google if I have symptoms of anything. I did wonder if I have some sort of weird health anxiety but I don't think it is that. I think it is a need to work out what is wrong with me in case I can fix it myself and therefore not become a nuisance. Or if I can't fix it myself I can at least minimise the period spent trying to diagnose the problem. I think there is also (these days) a need to feel informed enough to protect myself and advocate for myself. I have realised I tend to dissociate at medical appointments and take what they say as gospel truth. Which is not necessarily helpful, especially if I have dissociated enough that I haven't actually communicated the full panoply of symptoms. This fixation with making myself informed has actually stood me in very good stead over the last year of health investigations and in particularly good stead during my recent stay in hospital where I had to have some stern arguments with the medics.

In terms of emotional pain translating to physical pain - yes. I think it can do. Possibly in the moment (we all know about feeling actually sick to our stomach with worry) and I also do a lot of muscular armouring and have done since childhood. But also longer term. For instance, I breathe inefficiently, probably due to a lifetime of shallow breathing either from fear or wanting to keep myself as inconspicuous as possible. I have ended up with a lung problem and I have really had to concentrate on proper breathing during my recent hospitalisation with pneumonia.

[Blueberry]

My throat is weird atm. Not hoarse, but feels difficult to breathe, though it isn't actually that way. Didn't even go to church this evening never mind sing with the choir. Anyway I googled "weird throat" and found my symptoms can come from anxiety.

There are possible other causes, including over-use (singing lessons?) and over-eating late in evening, though that would normally give rise to heart-burn, which I definitely don't have atm. It took me a few years on this forum to figure out I was even having anxiety (!) due for instance to people being in my apt / my space, like tradesman or even my computer guy. I know the latter, but didn't help much, I was totally exhausted and that's all I knew - more exhaustion - till I figured out from others' posts on here that the exhaustion was due to anxiety.

[StartingHealing]

The body will express what the emotional content is.  I came across a concept that made a lot a sense to me.  Our consciousness is like a search light, single beam, very focused, scanning for whatever.  Our subconscious is everything else including our body. Due to survival responses, or as a child a lack of self agency, emotions gotta go somewhere, and typically they get 'stored' in the body until it's safe to process them.  Which the conscious part determines when that is.  The stored emotions will eventually be made manifest in some manner.   

I'm currently working through a intermittent expression of stored emotions showing up as pain, at times severe pain, in my back with my left shoulder / arm being involved as well.  It seems that uncertainty, fear. and adrenaline trigger it.  Belly breathing helps bring it down to tolerable levels since that massages the vagus nerve.

Left arm and shoulder = holding a shield for protection, back = monkey on my back, stabbed in the back, carrying the past.  At least for me.  It's getting better as I intentionally allow the processing.  I am looking forward to the day where it's no longer. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[Desert Flower]

I am absolutely convinced my body tells me whenever I'm trying not to feel emotional pain. I will get my headaches, fatigue etc. again. And when this pops up, and when there's no apparent psysical reason (like too much exercise) to be feeling this way, I'll know that I'm blocking something mentally. And when I do look into whatever is going on in my mind at the moment, the pain and fatigue will move or go away almost instantly. However, I'm now left with feeling anxious many times/most of the time. So the next step for me will be to take this anxiety-part under my wing instead of not trying to feel it.
 

[Papa Coco]

StartingHealing,

The body will express what the emotional content is.  I came across a concept that made a lot a sense to me.  Our consciousness is like a search light, single beam, very focused, scanning for whatever. 

This analogy of a spotlight shining only onto small parts of the vast knowledge of the unconscious mind is great! Thank you for sharing it. It helps me better understand how my thoughts come and go, and how they are triggered seemingly at random.

emotions gotta go somewhere, and typically they get 'stored' in the body until it's safe to process them.  Which the conscious part determines when that is.  The stored emotions will eventually be made manifest in some manner. 

I'm currently working on the art of surrendering my emotions one by one and this analogy of yours helps me see that when my spotlight shines on the pain of an emotion, that's when it's ready to consciously process it. Thoughts don't hurt. Memories don't hurt. The pain that hurts me is embedded in the emotions that I feel when we have thoughts or memories. Finding all the emotions and all the thoughts that drive painful emotion is a long, arduous process. This example you've shared is going to help me as I go through this exercise.

Thanks for sharing it. It's helpful.

[StartingHealing]

StartingHealing,

The body will express what the emotional content is.  I came across a concept that made a lot a sense to me.  Our consciousness is like a search light, single beam, very focused, scanning for whatever. 

This analogy of a spotlight shining only onto small parts of the vast knowledge of the unconscious mind is great! Thank you for sharing it. It helps me better understand how my thoughts come and go, and how they are triggered seemingly at random.

emotions gotta go somewhere, and typically they get 'stored' in the body until it's safe to process them.  Which the conscious part determines when that is.  The stored emotions will eventually be made manifest in some manner. 

I'm currently working on the art of surrendering my emotions one by one and this analogy of yours helps me see that when my spotlight shines on the pain of an emotion, that's when it's ready to consciously process it. Thoughts don't hurt. Memories don't hurt. The pain that hurts me is embedded in the emotions that I feel when we have thoughts or memories. Finding all the emotions and all the thoughts that drive painful emotion is a long, arduous process. This example you've shared is going to help me as I go through this exercise.

Thanks for sharing it. It's helpful.

Hi PC, believe it or not the concept of the search light came from Alan Watts. That was an interesting person, had much wisdom and yet chose a different path.  There have been times where the stored emotion was such that , I was in serious fear of the consequences of allowing it out, darndest thing though, as I allowed a little bit to leak out, the huge, scary, oh no this is gonna overwhelm and I'll lose control and I'll get into trouble, got a little smaller.  I also think that sometimes this comes back into parenting ourselves, if that makes any sense.  Yes, as a child, these big emotions, overwhelm for sure, as a growed-up though, is it at overwhelm? Can us as adult step in and shoulder the majority of that load to allow younger aspects to shed the emotions?  Yeah, 2cd family had a negative reaction to my big emotions at the time.  Well, when you have a kid  breaking 50lbs fully dressed soaking wet, throwing around hay bales at 3x bodyweight?  I think I scared 'em.  A little.  Which in retrospect is kinda cool. Ahhh they deserved it I reckon.  I think I scared them in a lot of other ways as well.

Ever wonder why good emotions never get stuck?  Why isn't good memories something that goes round and round in my thinking meat?  Old survival mechanism from back when we were not at the top of the food chain.  We wired to remember the negative because when you could be a snack for a saber tooth tiger, short faced bear, makes sense.  Now in modernity, modernity is what is messing with us in so many ways. 

If the conscious mind is still perceiving being in a survival situation the emotions get stored in the body.  Sooner or later, come heck or high water those emotions will make themselves known in some manner.  Even including serious diseases.  In traditional Chinese medicine, there is a focus on emotions and where they get stored in the body.  I don't have any firm data, anecdotally every person that I've had cause to be acquainted with that's had anger issues, every single one of them have had gall bladder and liver issues. That's 5 out of 5.  What's weird is that some of them I don't know why they were angry.  Good kids, great wives, decent jobs, things pretty alright all way round and yet all this anger. Weird.

Also all of us need to give ourselves kudos for being the survivors that we are.  We've been through dark, horrifying, Nasty, horrible, life threatening, sanity stealing,  and yet here we are, still on the side of positive, we are still striving to heal, doing the work, the backbreaking, heart wrenching work, meanwhile caring about people, places, trends outside of ourselves.  Could be mistaken but I think this puts us firmly in the survivor camp.  Just saying.  For me to remember that helps me a great deal. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[Papa Coco]

SH,

I like what you wrote here. I've been off the forum for a few weeks as I felt like I had crashed into something and needed some time to get my bearings again before reengaging.

When you read my post below this line, please be aware that I'm still not feeling completely connected to my own brain: Your response drove some really cool thoughts through me. What's happening to me right now is, I'm feeling like I'm not seeing reality the way everyone else is. My response below is from what I believe I got from your post, and it's from what I believe is a coherent part of me. If it doesn't make sense, or if it feels like I misunderstood your response, please forgive me for being somewhat disconnected. I'll go ahead and post my response, even if it doesn't make sense.

---------------------

My "releasing" exercise has morphed a little now into more of a search for acceptance. I need to accept the world for what it is. All the stress I put on trying to block hatred and anger and wars and storms has only made me into a stressed out dude who can't stop the flow of strife from interfering with the peace I thought I wanted.

Is peace really possible? Can good exist without bad to balance it? That's a deep topic, but just thinking about it puts me on the road to just deciding to learn how to accept it. I live in a broken world. I live in a world where we have to fight for peace. I just need to accept that. inner peace can't happen if I don't accept that bad things happens and I can't fix it. Bad things happened to me. It happened to you. I tried to be a good father, but some really bad things happened to my kids too. I didn't know how to stop it. It just happened. No matter how much I tried to protect my family, nothing I could do seemed able to give myself and my family a charmed, problem-free life. I have to accept that it wasn't my fault. And I need to accept the fact that I wasn't able to stop it. Not being a superhero also wasn't my fault.

Inner peace can't happen until I finally, one day, fully accept the bad with the good in this world.

Being tough is necessary. I've fought it. I've always wanted to be the peaceful guru that never has to be a tough but, I really, truly do see your point and I agree that it's time to embrace the strong survivor that has always been hiding within myself, but was held down by my own belief that being gentle was the only virtuous way to live. A tough person can still be a good person. If we fight for what's right, and do so without malice or hatred, then we're heroes, not villains, even if we're tough survivors.

I hope I didn't completely miss the mark here.

Wishing you the best in return.