Daniel Fernandez Case *TW PA, EA*

[Phoebes]

I wasn't going to watch this, because I knew it would be hard, and it was. Although it is way more severe than what I experienced, I was curious as to the dynamics of the adults who let this happen.

I did have some observations and surprisingly some triggers/parallels to my experience. If you watched it, what did you observe? A big one for me was his Teacher. I can see why some blamed her. And I do agree she should have stepped in and called the police. But, a lot of young teachers are this way if they have not had that experience. She DID call who she was trained to call. She DID support him in the classroom and made him feel cared for. It would take a very bold and outspoken, maybe even aggressive, first grade teacher to try to withhold a child from their parents, let alone rather aggressive ones. Not all young early childhood teachers are capable of that in reality.

However, what stood out for me was the sheer inability of her to grasp that he would compliment and act with love for his mother in his last days. She seemed to think since he said loving things on the Mother's Day project, that that gave her a sense of questioning what all of these head wounds and bruises were, or if it was even parental. She couldn't grasp what she was looking at. I can totally see this happening. It's hard to grasp how a mother would do, allow, provoke such a thing, if you've never had similar things happen to you. It's hard for people to understand that children love their parents no matter what is done to them, and they only blame themselves for what is done to them. A very hard thing to grasp.

This is a part I could relate to from the child's perspective. I often FELT like she could and might kill me. The hatred on her face, way-too-punitive physical abuse for no reason but whatever made her snap. In no way did I feel I could tell a school official or I knew it would be way worse at home. I'm shocked no school official ever questioned me. I think for Gabriel, he may have felt he had nothing to lose and it was his last hope by saying something. I believe most kids don't tell. It seems the day of the mother's day project, he knew his time was up and he was making the assignment to who he wished she was. (I may be way off. I'm not in his head. But it felt this way to me when I watched it.)

It's concerning that even with these very extreme cases of abuse leading to death, there are still those who will vouch for the character of the perpetrators. Our just write them off as evil monsters. It speaks to the level of denial WE are dealing with. If people can hardly believe SEEN abuse, how will they ever value the more difficult to see kind? There still seems to be a huge misunderstanding about unhealed and unconscious adults living out similar patterns they experienced, and in some cases perfect storms that lead to this behavior that they may not have otherwise gotten to had then gotten help sooner. Of course they wouldn't show the same face at work or with friends. It happens to the kids.