Not sure if I belong here

[lokasenna]

I'm a 27 year old with pretty extensive medical trauma that started in childhood and has continued into adulthood. I've noticed that medical trauma isn't listed as a childhood cause on any of the subforums, so I'm wondering if I'm the only one here whose CPTSD developed primarily from that.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum!

It is true that the forum is now more geared to relational trauma.
You could try posting about your medical trauma in general terms here https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=170.0 and see if your post resonates with any members.

I have some medical trauma myself, along with everything else. Recently I discovered when working on it that the underlying cause is relational trauma, i.e. how my M didn't stand up for me in medical settings. If there is anything like that in your background, you will probably find the forum helpful and supportive.

[lokasenna]

I guess to me, medical trauma is inherently as relational as anything else. It comes down to how you're treated by doctors, who are people too, and who are prone to dehumanizing and abusive treatment in their own right. Even if they do act relatively appropriately, medical procedures are terrifying and painful, and children have no say or autonomy regarding their own body and often no way to communicate about how they're feeling, physically or emotionally.

I'll try to share my story in the general section at some point. Thank you for suggesting that. It's very long and complicated though and it feels risky to share it, because I have no idea the sort of judgement people will cast on me from it.

[saylor]

Hi loka
I have yet to see anyone cast judgement here. It's just not that kind of place. I think you can feel safe
(and welcome!)

[Blueberry]

I guess to me, medical trauma is inherently as relational as anything else. It comes down to how you're treated by doctors, who are people too, and who are prone to dehumanizing and abusive treatment in their own right. Even if they do act relatively appropriately, medical procedures are terrifying and painful, and children have no say or autonomy regarding their own body and often no way to communicate about how they're feeling, physically or emotionally.

Well-put. So it seems you definitely do belong on here. Welcome

I'll try to share my story in the general section at some point. Thank you for suggesting that. It's very long and complicated though and it feels risky to share it, because I have no idea the sort of judgement people will cast on me from it.

As saylor says, OOTS isn't the kind of place where we pass judgement. Too many of us on here have already had our traumas belittled, played down and denied by abusers and by non-trauma-informed therapists and medical personnel.

Beyond that you could start out just writing about one bit or one aspect, bit-by-bit. I know some people on here including myself tend to very long posts, but shorter posts are recommended. From our Member Guidelines: Keep your posts short. Although there are times when a post may need to be longer, members are encouraged to keep posts to 2 - 3 paragraphs as a rule of thumb.  If your posts tend to fill more than an entire computer screen, some readers may be tempted to "speed read" or skip to the end.

Edited to add: In case the final para wasn't quite clear (I'm doubting my ability to write clearly atm), it may help you to start out with short posts, and that is what is encouraged anyway. 

[Not Alone]

I had a friend who suffered from medical trauma. Even though different, some of the results are the similar.  In the book, "The Body Keeps the Score," he writes about and quotes from a woman who underwent medical trauma. I have found those on the forum to be understanding and compassionate.

[Bach]

I have some medical trauma myself, along with everything else. Recently I discovered when working on it that the underlying cause is relational trauma, i.e. how my M didn't stand up for me in medical settings.

I can relate to this.  My mother used to take me to doctors all the time whether I was sick or not.  She had an obsession with the idea that there was something "wrong" with me, and was always taking me to doctors for examinations and tests and procedures and who knows what else.  She never told me what was going on or offered reassurance or comfort, and she was always frustrated and unhappy when nothing "wrong" was found.  I sometimes still hear her voice in my head talking about how there's something WRONG with me or being angry and saying "What is WRONG with you?" in that particular tone that remembering still makes me feel panicky and small.  I have a lot of trauma related to doctor visits, and I still find medical environments very stressful and difficult to deal with. 

[Kizzie]

I guess to me, medical trauma is inherently as relational as anything else. It comes down to how you're treated by doctors, who are people too, and who are prone to dehumanizing and abusive treatment in their own right. Even if they do act relatively appropriately, medical procedures are terrifying and painful, and children have no say or autonomy regarding their own body and often no way to communicate about how they're feeling, physically or emotionally.

I think you're correct Lokasena that medical trauma is relational to a degree; it involves medical professionals who have authority/control over your body (as much as you or parents of a child allow), and there is the ongoing threat of pain even death.  One difference though is that typically those of us who undergo ongoing medical trauma have support which is not something survivors of abuse/neglect often have, plus the trauma is not meant to abuse/neglect the self/spirit even though clearly it is frightening, painful, leads to feelings of powerlessness, etc. 

So there are some similarities and differences as above which is why we don't yet have a separate sub-forum.  The board is big so we use "Other" or "General Discussion" to capture less well known/prevalent causes.  If there were an uptick in medical trauma members we would look at creating a subforum though.

Everyone with CPTSD is welcome here whatever the cause       

[lokasenna]

I think you're correct Lokasena that medical trauma is relational to a degree; it involves medical professionals who have authority/control over your body (as much as you or parents of a child allow), and there is the ongoing threat of pain even death.  One difference though is that typically those of us who undergo ongoing medical trauma have support which is not something survivors of abuse/neglect often have, plus the trauma is not meant to abuse/neglect the self/spirit even though clearly it is frightening, painful, leads to feelings of powerlessness, etc.

Interesting. I'm pretty sure very few parents would say their intent was to abuse or neglect their children. Does intent matter more than consequence in all cases or only when it comes to certain traumas? Medical trauma is not accepted by society as legitimate trauma. It's not regarded that way by doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, or even most therapists. So there is very little support and very little validation available, especially in childhood.

Everyone with CPTSD is welcome here whatever the cause       

Your welcome is very much appreciated, but I didn't come here to have a sh*tting contest over whether or not my experiences measure up to other people's or whether they even count as abuse or neglect. I understand there is probably a lot of support for the medical system and the way it functions here, as people diagnosed with CPTSD tend to be pretty heavily involved in and reliant on those systems for treatment and validation.

I apologize for sounding brusque and I appreciate the replies in this thread. I'm just looking for a place free of judgement, and I don't think this is the one. Best of luck to everyone here in their healing journeys.

[Bach]

Your welcome is very much appreciated, but I didn't come here to have a sh*tting contest over whether or not my experiences measure up to other people's or whether they even count as abuse or neglect. I understand there is probably a lot of support for the medical system and the way it functions here, as people diagnosed with CPTSD tend to be pretty heavily involved in and reliant on those systems for treatment and validation.

I apologize for sounding brusque and I appreciate the replies in this thread. I'm just looking for a place free of judgement, and I don't think this is the one. Best of luck to everyone here in their healing journeys.

lokasenna, I don't think anyone here was trying to have a contest or was questioning the validity of your trauma.  I am also someone whose CPTSD has been caused by things that don't fit into neat little boxes, and have often in my life been disbelieved, doubted and dismissed, by friends, by family, by forums, and most of all by the medical system.  Believe me, I am neither a fan of the medical system nor one who fits easily into support groups, but I'd like to tell you that I have never felt judged or disbelieved in any way on this forum. 

I understand if you don't feel comfortable sharing now and want to look for somewhere else tell your stories, but perhaps you could keep in mind that this forum is here and consider coming back in the future.  I'm a shy and fearful person who is perpetually afraid of being misinterpreted, so it's very hard for me to speak up like this, but being able to write here about some of the stuff that I've been afraid for years and years to even begin to tell anyone and be believed and supported has been so useful and important to my healing since I started posting here that I feel I need to.  This is a GOOD place and while nothing is 100% safe for everyone and misinterpretations can happen even in the best of places, I can tell you that in my experience, you will not be judged here.

[Three Roses]

I've had some mistreatment by doctors and therapists. You describe it well. You're not alone.

[Blueberry]

  being able to write here about some of the stuff that I've been afraid for years and years to even begin to tell anyone and be believed and supported has been so useful and important to my healing. 

   

[Kizzie]

Lokasenna, I wasn't judging the validity of your trauma, I was suggesting there are some differences from what most of us here experienced. Anyone in a position of power can abuse others, that's the essence of relational trauma and it extends to medical professionals most assuredly. I wasn't and am not suggesting medical trauma is not a legitimate trauma and I don't think anyone here would ever suggest that. I mentioned being open to starting a sub-forum which speaks to this. 

I am sorry you are choosing to leave as it may be a missed opportunity to get more information about and insight into medical trauma. I do wish you well.




   

[Boatsetsailrose]

Welcome... I say if u identify with criteria of cptsd then be here... Claim your seat

[marta1234]

Hi, I just wanted to say that you are not alone and that I understand.
If you choose to stay around, welcome.