Is this ever beneficial to do, or is it an all-around bad idea?

Started by saylor, March 14, 2020, 04:39:47 PM

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saylor

Question:
If you know that someone is suffering from CPTSD (because they told you at some point), and they are, at a given moment, displaying behavior suggestive of an EF, is it ever a good idea to gently suggest that to them in order to try to help?

I ask because, for my part, I still don't always recognize that I'm in one while it's happening, and I know I can get out of them sooner (and have less potential for embarrassment or more serious "damage") if I know what's going on. One of the insidious things about EFs is that they sneak up on me and I can quickly get caught up in them and suffer (and maybe even cause others to suffer) before I have a chance to realize what's going on and try to do something about it

I have been tempted to try to help others I suspect of having an EF, on certain occasions, but have always erred toward keeping my mouth shut, because:
1) What if I'm wrong?
2) I don't like to meddle
3) It could be taken the wrong way, and even fan the flames (e.g., it might come across as unintentionally patronizing)

On the other hand, the deeper I get into one myself, usually the worse the outcome. I might appreciate if a knowing observer, who has my best interests at heart, gently suggested that maybe I was getting swept up into the storm

Thoughts?

Kizzie

Just my opinion of course but I'd go with yes tell them, gently as you suggest, and be ready to listen as it can really help to have a caring soul to talk to about why they are having or about to have an EF. It might also help to offer some suggestions about how to deal with it  (eg., send them the link to their phone for http://pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm). 

If they're not having an EF or don't want to talk about it, I'd back off and just let them know I said something because I was concerned about them.  Personally I would appreciate that someone cared enough and took the risk of talking to me about the possibility.