forum newbie...your thoughts please

Friend10 · April 05, 2015, 07:11:11 AM

Hi, I'm new to this forum and hoping for some advice. My young friend and work colleague has recently been through a terrible time which resulted in her being admitted to an adult mental health facility. She has been diagnosed with CPTSD and conversion syndrome. Due to circumstances beyond her control she has no-one close to support her, no job and no appropriate environment to be released to. I have been nominated as her primary carer and she comes home every weekend to my farm. My husband and I are fully committed to supporting her on this long road but I need reassurance that we are doing the 'right' thing for her and also advice on what we can do better for her. Due to the conversion syndrome she can't speak and she exhibits panic attacks, fear of her current living situation and is fearful of her future. She is a fantastic, intelligent, engaging young woman who has a golden future. The professionals at the facility are consistently working with her but she is refusing to talk about 'feelings' with them and is experiencing a high level of pressure from the staff regarding her lack of speech. She has no childhood memories, is having terrible dreams and flashbacks and her family has completely closed down on her. I 'speak' with her about the CPTSD when she wishes and I try to validate her as often as possible. Interestingly she actually asked me a question the other night which stunned and then greatly excited both of us (first words she has said in 3 weeks). We totally accept her lack of speech,and just want to provide a safe, supportive environment for her and ensure her rights are respected and met. we know it's going to be a long road and we can't 'save' her but want to be able to assist her with the opportunity to be free from the demons that have taken hold.

Sandals · April 05, 2015, 07:20:54 AM

Welcome, and how kind of you to be supporting her through this difficult time.

I do think it's important for treatment for her to eventually be able to discuss her feelings, but also suggest that you do a bit of reading on alexithymia. Here's a good starting point:http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/somatoform-disorder/when-patient-has-no-story-tell-alexithymia

She has a long, long journey ahead of her, but your support and demonstration of a healthy attachment will be very healing to her.

Sandals · April 05, 2015, 07:22:51 AM

p.s. you mentioned that you live on a farm. Animals can also provide healing with this. Is there one in particular that she could be responsible in caring for while she is there?

Friend10 · April 05, 2015, 07:59:26 AM

Thanks so much Sandals.. i've bookmarked the link and will followup. So much to learn!! she spends a lot of time with the dog and when it's not raining we spend time with the horses.

Sandals · April 05, 2015, 08:04:49 AM

Ahh, that sounds heavenly. I grew up on a farm and while there are many things I don't miss, the farm is one that I do pine for. Thank you for giving her a safe place during recovery.

schrödinger's cat · April 05, 2015, 10:00:27 AM

Hi Friend10, it's brilliant that you're doing all this for your friend.

I can only judge from myself (and everyone's different) - but for me personally, something that's very helpful is validation and a lack of pressure. So it didn't surprise me at all that your friend said her first words to you, not to her therapists. They mean well. But CPTSD is caused by being trapped in a situation where we're essentially over-controlled and hurt. Our choices were taken away from us, we were the opposite of validated, and there was huge pressure to conform to our abusers' wishes or opinions. So in a way, CPTSD is caused by insupportable pressure. Then why on earth should it be fixable by more pressure? Okay, maybe those therapists know what they're doing. But even then, it's so good to know that your friend has you to counter-balance all this --- that you validate her and let her find her own pace.

It still surprises me how healing some very basic things can be. Like being treated with kindness, courtesy, and simple common respect. Or when someone trusts you to be competent, and when they honour your own boundaries and your sense of pacing. So you're already doing a lot of things right, it sounds like.

Trees · April 05, 2015, 04:41:02 PM

Dear Friend10, I am deeply touched by the way you have provided safety and acceptance to your friend. There is no way to even put a value on such a gift. Of course you would be the one she would venture to speak to first. Your instincts seem very sound.

I imagine the therapists at the facility are concerned about her regaining her independence. But it sounds to me as though safety and peacefulness would help your friend most right now. (That is of course just my personal opinion based on my own experience.)

Knowing that there are people like you in the world brings such happy tears to my eyes.

Friend10 · April 07, 2015, 10:35:34 PM

Thank you so much for your time Trees and Schrodingers Cat. Greatly appreciate your thoughts, kind words and validation. My friend is concerned she is not moving forward in the public facility but her private insurance does not cover CPTSD specialised treatment in the few private clinics that are around here. I am investigating other public options for her but I fear they will be much the same. How can I convince her the treatment she is receiving appears sound and and while the environment she is in is not ideal the grass is not always greener on the other side? Her psychiatrist has suggested rapid eye movement therapy when she eventually leaves. On a happy note she spoke again when my husband returned her to the unit on Sunday..said 'thank you'. Baby steps