Trigger of a Comment

[Phoebes]

Hi. Again. Ugh! 

So, I've been researching sprinter vans, etc. I've always dreamed of a certain lifestyle and at least having a tiny back-up home. Since all this has happened I've been trying to locate one. I found one in my home state, kind of out in the country, and I reached out to go see it. He said sure and was pleasant, etc.

Before I made the more than an hour drive, I wanted to know a bit more. I asked a few things about the engine, and for a few more pics.

He responded with "you're a real trip....peace..." nothing else. I take that to mean he didn't like my questioning. May think I'm being too hyper. I don't know...I think he's a real jerk...but this is TYPICAL of the type of friends I have attracted, such as the one I went abrupt NC with this year. I feel like this is a thing where, heeeyy, mannnn, you should be coool and laid back like meeee and not care what you're about to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on...

It's a theme, an attitude that applies a littele differently but across the boards. I did work for this friend (the now NC one) last summer who continually acted like I was making way too big of a deal over to me normal things. Like I'm "uptight" for cleaning a window sill before I PAINT it! That type of stuff. I don't come across this too often, but after this email exchange with the guy, it really brought this up for me..

I deleted the email exchange and don't plan to speak to this person again. I used to think coooool laid back people were the best, but I think it is a NARCISSISTIC thing now. Totally ridiculous.

[Phoebes]

Ugh..after the newness has worn off..I'm feeling awful about this. Not at fault, just all kinds of triggered. I was super excited about this vehicle, and doing my best to ask the right questions so I didn't drive a long way for naught. I know it's weird, but I feel...abandoned in a weird way.

[marta1234]

Hi Phoebes, I'm so sorry you have to continue hearing that and are continuously triggered by this. Asking questions is not wrong, and I think you are right, it is some n trait.
I just hope you are alright, and that this wasn't a too big toll on you. In any case, I congratulate your efforts to being thorough, it must've been hard. Sending you a gentle hug, if that's ok.

[Regret]

Sounds like you were asking questions that touched on something he was trying to hide.

The only other option you had (if you didn't ask questions on the phone) would be to take a mechanic with you to the vehicle to give it a go over and even take it to a auto shop the mechanic trusted for a complete inspection.  Asking to do that may have generated the same response from the seller.

If he was trying to sell a sound vehicle, he would have been up front with you. Nothing for you to feel bad about other than most likely saving yourself a long trip to find out the vehicle had issues.

You did well to ask questions, nothing wrong with that. Hope you are feeling better.

[Phoebes]

Thank you both. I was all worked up about it, like I have not been in a long time. Kinda sick to my stomach. But, after a night's sleep and thinking through the very things you said, it sunk in a little more that I didn't do anything wrong, and if that made him not want to deal with me, that's his deal. I think his tone and way he said it struck a nerve..implying I am somehow high maintenance or uncool. It just struck those critical nerves that have been struck so many times, and from a complete stranger. It's like reliving that early message that if my mom doesn't even think I'm worth listening to, there must be something wrong with me. And that many people get the IMMEDIATE impression they can walk on me. I'm sure he was just an a$$.

[Alice-In-Wonderland]

I say kudos to you for asking the questions! That takes a degree of confidence that some of us don't always have for fear of what people might think. I say  for you. How he reacted was his own stuff. I know that when you find the right vehicle you will feel good about it! Good job!

[Phoebes]

Thank you. From my perspective, I have a mechanic friend who was helping me look. I think an honest person would have been happy for that. I just like to know what mechanical things will be around the bend.

Last year, my rollercoaster N-friend who I wound up going NC with...she was like this guy, I sensed. Sort of making my sound logic seem silly. And of course, her way is golden. Even though it wasn't.

Yeah, I smelled a Narcissist.  And yet, it still hurt and had me really dysregulated.