Triggered by Meghan Markle in the media...anyone else?

[holidayay]

I'm trying to avoid the media a lot. But then I slip back into reading it because like many others, this quarantine period is causing me to struggle to get a break/distraction from CPTSD.

I've noticed I really get triggered by articles on Meghan Markle. There is a lot of speculation that she is NPD. Obviously can't say for sure if she is but her cheesy lines and over the top shows of being nice and kind and caring about the world etc whilst behaving hypocritically is a bit nauseating. But more than that, she seems to have drawn strict boundaries with her family and people who are accusing her of NPD keep saying things like: 'she heartlessly abandoned her sick, unwell father!' 'she drops her own family and doesn't care!'.
This is the bit that is triggering me the most. Once again, the masses just seem incapable for grasping the notion that cutting ties with someone's family isn't all black-and-white. I don't know about MM in particular, but myself and many of us from dysfunctional families have had to leave them behind. My therapist often used to ask me what benefit can be gained from keeping in touch with the narcissists in my family during the agonising days of trying to figure out whether I should go NC or not. And now to hear stories of accusing her being NPD and citing her ability to cut off her family as evidence of this?? Its made me confused and feel guilty and that I am in the wrong. But I cut them off BECAUSE they were NPD, not the other way around. And from what I've read online, lots of NPDs don't seem to get into the position of cutting out a huge chunk of their family, instead employing many tricks and manipulations to keep them in line and to source more supply from them.....

I don't know anymore. I wish someone could just tell me what to do. I wish I had never been born into a situation where all the variables could lead to me having such an awareness of NPD. Its disgusting and frightening as *. There isn't one part of me that wishes to know all about the hidden world where narcissists treat their own children so disgustingly - get me the * out of here. And yet, my whole life is still being bogged down and limited by the long-lasting effects of narcissistic abuse.

Sighhhhh

[New_Life]

Hi holidayay,

Please don't feel bad for cutting out the narcissists from your life. You did the best thing you could do for yourself.

I also cut my narcissist father out of my life. You might say, that I am heartless for leaving the poor, old man behind, when he is now approaching a very vulnerable time in his life. But, I wonder, who abandoned whom first? Was he there when I was most vulnerable?

I can't speak for MM situation, it is difficult to diagnose someone that you don't know personally, and from actions taken out of context. I find her a bit creppy though.

Oh, and I wanted to add that , even though narcissists don't cut people out of their lives, they DO discard people that they find are no use to them. Two different actions that might look the same to an onlooker.

[Rainydaze]

Yes, I get very triggered whenever I read an article about Meghan Markle and her family. For me, I see how manipulative and uncaring her father has been towards her and I think I see that aspect because that's been my experience and I'm seeing parallels (he even looks the spitting image of NF  ). It could well be that this blinkers me to the flaws that others point out in MM though and that I'm projecting my own situation on to her story too much.

And now to hear stories of accusing her being NPD and citing her ability to cut off her family as evidence of this?? Its made me confused and feel guilty and that I am in the wrong. But I cut them off BECAUSE they were NPD, not the other way around.

I try not to read remarks people make about her now because it's this very thing that upsets me. Cutting a parent out of your life is not done without a lot of pain and soul searching and is done as an absolutely final resort when nothing you do can make the relationship better, or when they're completely unwilling to change and respect boundaries. As far as I can see this seems to be the issue with Thomas Markle, since he won't respect his daughter's privacy and repeatedly sells her out to the media even though she has requested that he doesn't. It might not seem like a good enough reason to people who haven't experienced an upbringing with a disordered parent, but this might just have been the straw that broke the camel's back for Meghan.

I think when seeing people's reactions to the MM situation you have to remember that a lot of it is sensationalised by the gutter press and that Meghan hasn't publicly come forward with her side of the story, so people are swayed by a very one-sided narrative. I'm sure when my father gives people sob stories about how his only daughter has abandoned him then people might think I'm evil, however if they were to approach me personally and see me visibly get upset and tremble with anxiety as I describe what he did to me they might start to believe that he isn't the person he claims to be.

It's important to remember that people's opinion of her is about her alone and not you and your situation and that nothing is ever black and white. Even if there are parallels to her situation and yours they are two very different realities.