[keepfighting]

Hi, nmg,

there seems to be a bit of confusion about the acronyms. IC = Inner Child; ICr = Inner Critic.

How are you doing today? Still hanging in there?

[no_more_fear]

Oh right, I'm sorry. Got it, the acronym I mean. My memories actually perfect again! That makes me really happy.

I'm feeling as bad today, but my first T appointment is tomorrow which will hopefully help.

I'm starting to really panic about work though. I'm ill- a neurological condition- and I can feel things getting better, like my leg, which is fantastic. But all I keep thinking is how I'm terrified of working. Then it goes on to how I'll end up with no money and on the streets!

It'll all work out OK won't it? I'll want to work again, once I'm better? Won't I?

[keepfighting]

I'm starting to really panic about work though. I'm ill- a neurological condition- and I can feel things getting better, like my leg, which is fantastic. But all I keep thinking is how I'm terrified of working. Then it goes on to how I'll end up with no money and on the streets!

It'll all work out OK won't it? I'll want to work again, once I'm better? Won't I?

Don't worry about that now - on day at a time. Now is the time to be good to yourself, learn to identify and take care of your emotional and physical needs and to learn that you deserve to be as compassionate with yourself as you are with others. You're doing great! 

I'll be rooting for your t appointment tomorrow! A real lifeline!

[no_more_fear]

Thank you, keepfighting. You've been amazing. 

[schrödinger's cat]

I second what keepfighting said. Right now, while you're having so many flashbacks, your levels of energy are very depleted. It's amazing what a lack of energy does to our worldview. It's just a lot more difficult to keep up anything like an optimistic (or even just realistic) view of things. Even just simple lack of sleep or physical pain can make people slide off into a depressive, desperate mood. So like keepfighting said, the thing to do right now is recover. Then later, once you're a bit better and the world (hopefully) looks sunnier, you can always sit down and think about the issue again.

[no_more_fear]

Thank you schrödinger's cat. I'm taking all the advise you've said. It's all so right. Thank you for being amazing. 

I've been researching more today and I know in my heart I've found the answer. I've got disassociation identity disorder. It explains all the finer things I couldn't work out, like how I get so angry thinking I shouldn't have to do certain things, even though I feel I should. Also, every time nearly when I've been drinking before I would do all these crazy things that I couldn't remember and now I know it was that little fighter in me raising her head and saying how unfair everything is. 

I've had more memories too of how I used to do all this stuff to annoy my abuser. I really made her pay sometimes for treating me the way she did. In my infantile mind I considered her being angry at me as preferable to being ignored. It all makes even more sense now than ever. I really need to see this T tomorrow. I'm really scared though because I'm feel like I'm going mad here.

[schrödinger's cat]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your appointment.    Sorry for not replying straight away. I had a really bad day yesterday and it's left me jittery and very anxious.

[no_more_fear]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your appointment.    Sorry for not replying straight away. I had a really bad day yesterday and it's left me jittery and very anxious.

Don't be sorry. You replied when you could, so thank you. I know you're there and that helps so much. Big  for you. I'm feeling more relaxed today what with seeing my T, so I'll be OK. I spoke to my doctor too and I'm seeing him later although I'm not sure if he believes me, but I think that's just me and not him.

I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. What happened? Only talk about it if you want to though, I don't want to force you too. Even PM me if that works better. You've helped me so much and I want to help you. Another 

[schrödinger's cat]

Thanks for asking, no_more_guilt. We're having to move out of our flat within the next year or two, which wouldn't be bad - but my oldest kid had a rough few years recently, and she's extremely close with her best friend... and as a highly sensitive child, she's finding change hard to deal with and prefers things to stay as they are. So the very thought of moving made her claw her way up the drapes. I was so afraid of traumatizing her. Also, in our town, rents are up and everyone keeps telling me it's nigh impossible to find anything. So there was this sense of insecurity and helplessness. That triggered a flashback to how I felt when we were in financial trouble and my mother didn't tell us: I grew up with this sense that we were hovering over a black abyss and might fall in any moment. It was a relief when I figured out that this fear was just a flashback: it was all about my past, not really about my present. Also, I talked to my kid just now, and she seemed totally calm and confident about the idea of moving to a suburb or to another town. I'm so relieved.

[no_more_fear]

It was a relief when I figured out that this fear was just a flashback: it was all about my past, not really about my present. Also, I talked to my kid just now, and she seemed totally calm and confident about the idea of moving to a suburb or to another town. I'm so relieved.

You're so  right, it's all about the present. This moment here and now. It's difficult for us all to distinguish that right now, but you did it, so huge kudos to you. You're also managing your FB's in a healthier way, so you've done two things simultaneously, which is really something to be proud of.

Such a difficult thing to ask people if they're really thinking what we believe they are, but every time we do we find out it was never as bad as we imagined, so keep talking to her and everyone else. We all imagine so much is wrong, when in fact it isn't.

I'm so happy that things have worked out for you and I know they'll continue to.

[Convalescent]

Don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I had a period a couple of years ago where I didn't know what I thought about any music, movies.... didn't know if I was hungry, thirsty... everything was just disconnected. Very, very unpleasant.

 

[tired]

I've experienced that and my first reaction is let it happen because each event is information that you can take to therapy. Stopping it for me turns into repression and then when I go to therapy I have nothing to say. It's painful but it won't kill you.