Hi..

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Cray

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Hi..
« on: April 03, 2020, 11:20:00 PM »
Hi, I'm Cray, I guess I just outline it here and then talk elsewhere.

Here goes... I had CSA 6-17, by a man who was basically my uncle. During that time I also had a mentally and physically abusive step dad. I've also had several men take advantage of me since then.

During the CSA I was given alcohol and drugs. I now struggle with alcoholism and drug addiction. *I'm 4 months off alcohol*

My mom actually showed me a post about CPTSD yesterday, and I couldn't sleep lastnight ( cant remember dreams but wake up feeling devastated and crying) so I read up on it and stumbled upon this forum. I'm just looking for answers...I'm tired of struggling to the point I have to have a fit of rage to be able to cry afterwards to feel some semblance of normalcy. To get the roaring noise in my head to just simmer down for a brief moment of peace...

I apologize if this is just ramble. Just what's going through my head atm.

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Three Roses

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2020, 12:02:31 AM »
Hi cray! Welcome  :heythere:

Rambling is OK! But I didn't think you rambled.

There's so much info here, after you settle in a bit, just jump in anywhere. Your comments are welcome in any thread.

Here's a link to our guidelines jic you missed them - https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=1616.0

Looking forward to hearing more from you   :yes:

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Patticake

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2020, 01:48:30 AM »
Hello there, Cray :wave:

Iím so glad you stumbled onto this forum. We are all here to gain insight & healing. As far as this being your first post, you are courageous to share your story with us. Your post was clear & to the point. No rambling. As you find your footing here,  the many resources will be helpful. Dig in & be encouraged.

Congrats on your 4 months sobriety :cheer:
That is a mighty accomplishment. Welcome aboard, friend.

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New_Life

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2020, 02:45:29 PM »
Hi Cray, and welcome to the forum!
 :heythere:

I hope you will find valuable resources here, to aid in your recovery. Even for us, badly damaged folks, there is hope for improvement!

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Snowdrop

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2020, 02:55:57 PM »
Hi Cray! Pleased to meet you. :wave:

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BlankPage

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2020, 06:25:27 PM »
Hi, Cray,

I just posted for the first time here myself a little while ago.  Just wanted to say a couple of things:

1. Being able to identify the problem really does help.  If there's a name for it, then other people are going through the same thing. 
2. My boyfriend is just over two years sober.  Believe me, things get better the longer your sobriety continues.  Your brain pretty much heals back to normal around the two-year mark (going by what the counselors at his treatment program said), so it is worth it to keep going.  He and I have often talked about how CPTSD is a lot like alcoholism - it lies to you that you are the problem and it[/i] is the solution.  So congratulations on the four months, and I hope you're able to experience the benefits of continued sobriety.  It really does help you see things differently in the long run. 

I hope you find some answers and support here.  I hope we all do.

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Kizzie

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2020, 05:20:27 PM »
Hi Cray, a warm welcome to OOTS  :heythere:  and congrats on 4 months of sobriety  :applause:.

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notalone

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2020, 01:26:45 AM »
Welcome, Cray.  :heythere:

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Froggie

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Re: Hi..
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2020, 11:43:23 PM »
My mom actually showed me a post about CPTSD yesterday, and I couldn't sleep lastnight ( cant remember dreams but wake up feeling devastated and crying) so I read up on it and stumbled upon this forum. I'm just looking for answers...I'm tired of struggling to the point I have to have a fit of rage to be able to cry afterwards to feel some semblance of normalcy. To get the roaring noise in my head to just simmer down for a brief moment of peace...

Hi Cray. I definitely hear you on that - the struggle, rage, cry, "normal" cycle. There's times when I could feel I needed to cry but it was all rage inside, so I had to go through that first so that I could get to the crying and then yeah, the aftermath of feeling drained but more "normal." You aren't alone.

Also, learning about CPTSD for the first time is a bit devastating and triggering at first - you mention not being able to sleep and then feeling devastated. Know that that is normal, it is a lot to digest at first. Also, it seems like we cry when we discover a "truth" we weren't aware of.

Welcome! I hope you start to feel better!