**trigger warning** i feel so much shame, please help

[holidayay]

trigger warning***

I can't stop thinking about how my sister used to abuse me. How this incest makes me feel so dirty, so damaged and like I am not like other girls. I feel like a fraud if I try to pretend to be like other girls. I am not one of them, my mind says. It says I am a girl whose older, disgusting sister sexually abused her. And if people knew the truth about me, they would be disgusted. I feel humiliated, ashamed and angry. I was 5 when it started. I remember her disgusting wobbly body and how her armpits smelt as she forced me into doing things i didn't want. And now I am convinced everyone will view me as a freak and disgusting.
I'm so angry! I'm so tired...how, HOW can i get out of this thought-process....please somebody help me

[Not Alone]

I too have felt the deep, dark blackness of shame. I wish I had an easy answer to make it go away. You are NOT a freak or disgusting. I do understand the feelings.

[Three Roses]

One thing that helps me is to view my situation from the outside. If you, today, encountered an innocent, trusting 5 year old, would you blame her for being a victim of abuse?

Try to give 5-year-old-you the same compassion as you would give to a complete stranger. 

[holidayay]

Thank you both.
Uffff this thing hits me from all angles....if it not one thing, its another.....I'm so frazzled this morning and due to go in for a night shift. Yikes  I'm trying to give my child self compassion..its so hard....